When we meet someone who becomes special to us, I think its normal to want them to be liked by other people who are important to us. Just like we hope they like our families in return. It is how families are formed.
Didn't you want to be accepted by your spouses family when you first met?
I don't think its any different. Just because you aren't the first doesn't mean you aren't part of the family unit.
While you are entitled to not like OW because of the situation, she is an important part of your childrens father's life. She doesnt need to be their best friend or a mother figure but it would benefit their relationship with their father for them to find some acceptance and tolerance for her.
From reading your past threads, I have gotten the impression that at least your son has tried to do that and it created a huge issue between the two of you. You don't have to like it, but I don't think you should make them feel like they need to make a choice between you two. You will always be mom and she will be their fathers wife. Nothing can change that.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
