Great stuff above JFun.....So I won't illiterate it again.
As for your question about DB work.....yes it does. I know many individuals on here who have significantly changed their lives. They started the changes and then evolved into strong people and kept the evolving right on rolling...The changes aren't about saving your marriage, the changes are about refinding yourself and growing upon it.
Just wanted to wish you and yours a Happy Holidays....
JF...
This is a lot fo what I talked about, with the finding fuel to push forward. You haven't seen the end of it yet. For me, it became almost like a chess game, where I could predict WHEN it would happen, and what avenue she was going to pursue at that time.
I know that this isn't a game, yet it will play like a game at times....
Great job on how you handled things....
As for the giving up ??
I know that isn't you, and I know the kind of life you would have if you didn't give it your all...
Live with zero regrets buddy....
They are harder to live with than anything else...
I remember walking outside and screaming at God, to give me everything that he had, because I wanted to find my breaking point....
Happy Holidays to you my new friend...
And I hope that somehow, someway, the magic of the season finds you and your boys....
PS....try not watching too closely (that one still knocks you off of your horse)...
Mach-Thanks for checking in with me. Funny you talked about screaming to God. I had that moment last night. Screaming for strength and screaming to hit me with all of it to get it over with. Then He and I had a nice quiet talk this morning about thankfulness.
UR-You are so kind to me. I thank you for that daily. Thank you for reminding me she can only hurt me if I let her. Everything is my choice. In fact, while she was pressing me last night, about why the hell I would stay, I did say I was making a choice. Not only can I house to jump off the ride, I can choose how I feel, I can choose to give everything to my kids, & I can choose to be the best man possible every day.
MLC holiday season is rough.
Holiday season is very rewarding and a time to remind us of what we can give to others. Point is, every day is what you allow it to be. It's what you decide to make of it. It is all in our hands.
Mach-I consider it an honor to be counted as a friend. Thank you.
UR-You are a special lady that has kept my head up and pointed forward. Thank you
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
J, you're really getting good at this. The others are right - you won't be happy about you if you don't give it everything you have.
As for the conversation? That was a pretty good one if you ask me. The outcome: Everyone notices the changes and they are good ones. Great really. She hasn't been "well" herself for a very long time, by her own admission. She is not happy. She doesn't know why you stay. i.e. she knows she has treated you HORRIBLY. She does know that, but not why. Her's to figure out though, you can't. The holidays are not a fun time for her. She is hurting and doesn't know how to handle it - yet. You are showing her how to handle adversity and what a real man is like. Makes the others look, well, less appealing And all of that? Doesn't really matter. You got to sing Christmas Carols to people that really needed it. People that never thought they'd be in that place at any time in their lives. People who were helpless. You, who are enduring a tough time (very well I might add) were able to give to others.
That's strength if I've ever heard it.
I don't really care what else your W ever does in her life, except how it affects you. I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and the things you've done. And for what you'll continue to do in the future. You haven't changed - you've just been waiting to be you
There will be many more tests. Don't leave your house. If she wants one of you gone, let her be the one to leave. And keep being you - the father, the husband, the man.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJ, Mach, UR-I'm not sure I'm deserving of such high praise. I'm struggling every day to find strength. I am human. I'm getting used to accepting that. Had a great time at my mothers today. Enjoyed her cooking that I dont get enough of anymore. Mom had actually recorded a football game that I had missed yesterday so that me and the boys could watch it after dinner. Cool.
W was distracted, but my boys wound up sitting on the couch with me, S10 even on my lap watching the game. Afterwards, we went out and threw football for a while. All in all, cool visit.
On the way home, S10 has called his mother out for not being done with her shopping. Presuming that she hasn't bought me anything. We will see what happens there.
Cool new tradition tomorrow night: Going to Christmas Eve church service and communion. Haven't taken communion in years. Gotta bake cookies tomorrow as well. Looking forward to a great day.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
My boy, Fisherman......sigh. LOL!