Thanks All! I think for the longest time I have just been trying to not rock the boat. My H used to say comments like this to get me upset and then it would lead to a huge argument. Over the past couple of months, I have just ignored these comments since it did not seem like it was worth getting in a fight. I think that I am getting to the point now that I can say something short and sweet (i.e. that was hurtful and uncalled for) and simply move on with the conversation without getting into it. I know that I have grown enough to do it and maybe it is time for me to call him on his crap.
On a separate note, I had a great conversation with DB coach the other day. I wanted to write it down for my own reference in the future. We were talking about the boundaries. She said that setting boundaries is such a hard thing to do because it is scary and risky. She said that she sees so many LBS not set boundaries because they are too afraid and/or because they think that things have improved since BD and dont want to mess with anything. She said that the LBS allows the WAS to live in their fantasy land and actually enables the fantasy. The WAS is allowed to have the best of both worlds and never feels that they are in jeopardy of losing the LBS. She said that after a period of time the LBS eventually gets frustrated, gives up and files for D without ever setting boundaries. At that point, the WAS is forced out of fantasy world and for the first time has to process what it may be like without the LBS. However, it is generally too late because the LBS is done. She said that she believes that some of these M would have been saved if the boundaries had been set before the D was filed. She said that she always encourages the LBS to set boundaries before throwing in the towel.
I thought that it was interesting because my H told me that he did not even consider losing me before I set the boundary (which I did for myself). He said that he always just pictured having the best of both worlds (his single life on one side and me/kids on the other side). Um...hello..I dont think so. I am glad that I have had my coach and all of you to helping me navigate this journey. I have no idea where I would be without DBing.
