H in MLC, trying to DB

[movinup]

I realized today how much I've changed since H and I have been together. When we met I was 29, had never really dated much but was really comfortable with myself. During college I worked retail and the other girls couldn't understand how I could go to lunch alone at a restaurant. They felt strange doing things alone but I didn't. You know why? Because I liked me and didn't mind spending time by myself. Now I seem to be clingy and can't go places by myself, I guess because I am used to being a part of a couple?

I was also cheerful, quiet but in a good mood most of the time. I was always polite to everyone no matter what. In a store shopping? I excused myself when walking in front of someone. At work I always was nice to people, told them have a good day or Happy whatever holiday it was. I was heavily involved in church and prayed continuously.

I seem to have lost myself lately. I'm grumpy, silent and never remember to tell people to have a nice day. Yeah I've been through a lot in the past 4 months but everyone is going through something. I've decided to return to the person I was.

I started today by smiling at people in the mall, telling the clerks thank you and Merry Christmas. The reactions made me feel more alive than I have in months. Now to keep it up. PMA all day everyday. Things will get better. Yes I want H to come back but not like he is now. I will continue to work on me until he figures out his life but I can't put mine on hold until then.