Divorced and hopes for reconciliation

[Pampkin]

Thank you so much for responding!

I have read the book but I think I will pick it up again tonight and reread it. I guess I haven't really done much to GAL. Right now, instead of going to yoga 3 times a week, I go 4 now. For 75 minutes, I have inner peace and I don't think about what's going wrong in my life. I feel strong, relaxed and empowered afterwards. I think it really helps with my depression. Problem is, H always asks when I'm going to yoga and wants to join me for a class or two. I try to give him space. I don't call him unless it's work related. He calls me to see when I'm going to yoga. He calls me to see if we can drive together to work since we only live 10 minutes away from each other. He calls me up to have dinner and see a movie. I enjoy his company but I try to put on a brave and happy face when we're together but I wear my heart on my sleeves. Sometimes I want to be apart from him because it hurts but at the same time, I always want to be with him because it hurts. I don't know what to do.

I talked to H about counseling yesterday. He said that 1/3 of the time, patients are better off, the other 1/3 are the worse off, and the last 1/3 are the same. He said that he doesn't need someone to help sort out his feelings. He had 10 years to sort them out. He gives me the same BS, "I love you but I'm not in love with you." Right now I'm just throwing everything up against the wall to see what sticks. I feel hopeless because there's nothing that I can do to save us. He's committed to leaving.

Sad thing is, we haven't told anyone in our family and only 2 of his friends know that we're on the verge of divorce. When we're together, we hide it well. H says that he doesn't want people meddling in our affairs and giving their two cents. He said that I can tell whomever I please if I need a shoulder to cry on. I haven't said anything to anyone because if I speak it, it makes it that more real. I guess I'm in denial. I feel so alone.


To keep myself from wallowing, I'm thinking of volunteering at the animal shelter soon. Since it is the holidays and I am busy at work, I do not want to commit to something just yet. I'm going to wait until the new year. I'm thinking of going back to school to get my certificate in forensic chemistry and/or become an RN. Any good ideas to GAL for the time being? Any suggestions would be great.

Again, thank you.