Irma, I don't see any harm in recognizing w/your new SIL does things for you. It shows that you recognize and appreciate his efforts. Maybe I'm looking at life differently, but there are three words that aren't used as much these days and those three words open doors that you never imagined. They are: "please" and "thank you". You may not think your SIL cares, but deep down, he feels good when you acknowledge his efforts.
I'm sorry to hear that that the father and the grown children can't seem to come to an understanding as to how the children feel about the OP. Maybe it's time for them distance themselves from their father for a bit and when contact is made, explain the reason for it. I can't see where either party is going to win if they continue to argue about it, i.e., someone is going to have to give an inch if they want to have any type of relationship. Sometimes actions do speak louder than words.
Just my thoughts for today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
