Mediation and the realization........PartV

[Positivespin]

Im in the middle of an Ice Storm up here.....
Yesterday was the first day I can remember where I stayed in my pajamas. Im kind of glad the roads were impassible, otherwise I wouldnt have allowed myself to do it.

It was a very busy day- I had to decorate the tree and wrap all the presents myself. I am amazed by how painful it is to be alone on the holidays. No matter how emotionally strong of become....its like a final exam after a heck of a year.

What I found interesting was that id find ornaments with x name on it, or old pics from holiday cards and the stocking with her name on it and I just put it all aside in a separate container and forged ahead. It hurt that I was alone but not because SHE wasnt there. That felt like growth.

I find myself daydreaming alot now. Dreaming about where D4 and I should move to.....excited about finding new experiences and just moving forward. Logically It may not make sense to do it but it feels good to be able to think about the future in some positive way.

So I signed up for a online dating site.......god im sooo out of step. Ill never actually go on a date because Im so inept at the game- but its fun and interesting to read the profiles of others.

D4 is number 1 priority and i will not introduce her to other women. If someone ever comes along who is truly amazing it will be a long time before they meet.

What baffles me are the number of men who go on these sights (including my best friend) looking for a mother for their kids. They have a Mom! Im going to look for the woman of my dreams and be honest and straightforward- That should keep me dateless forever

and if i dont hop on with a long rambling post between now and Wed.....Happy holidays! I love you all.....stay sane