I guess dealing with a girl is different from dealing with a boy. I have tried to let both my girls know that holding in these feelings will cause them more grief in the end.
I don't care if they kickbox the feelings, scream into pillows, let it out through heavy metal music, drum lessons, write nasty letters (to send or not), visit a therapist, talk to grandparents, listen to sad or angry songs, read poetry, sketch monsters, etc...
The point I make to them...GET IT OUT. All you gotta do is face and identify the feeling.
I think with Asperger's kids, it's more than letting them have a safe place to land. I know how important this is, but my daughter, genuinely, doesn't know what she's feeling at any given time. She has a terrible time identifying a bad or uncomfortable feeling.
She knows she feels yucky but can't express why or what the feeling is. I think, for boys and girls, this is a vital tool in life. Someday, God-willing, they will have their own families and I want my kids to be able to express themselves instead of shoving bad stuff aside. Otherwise, we are setting them up for crisis themselves.
Stuffing these feelings will only continue the cycle. I also don't want them expressing these feelings in dangerous ways. When my parents divorced, I drove 90 to let it out. Considered driving into telephone poles.
We actually have a great opportunity here, with our children, to teach them how to handle overwhelming feelings of grief, anger, sadness AND how to experience JOY in the midst of even the worst times.
We need to use this time wisely.
Take what you need and leave the rest.
Love to All,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
