Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

I guess my motive would be to see how she reacts whether or not it is serious or not, and now that I know about it, would it take the fantasy out of it if this is something to it.

I would say something like "I am hurt that you decided that you needed to look outside the M for something that I apparently wasn't providing you. I am still 100% invested in making our M work but it can not work if this continues. I just wish we could have gone to counseling together or at least talked about your feelings with a neutral person before it went this far. You chose this path so it is up to you now on what is to happen. I want this to work for us. I want a family with you. I am a strong person and this certainly will test that."

Then I guess depending on what she says I will try to validate her feelings and empathize with her.

I am not sure at this I should tell her I am still in love with her or let be unsaid.