This stuff can break your heart, tear up your soul. I get that. I have been there.
The goal should be to get yourself to a place of peace.
There are a few things that need to happen in order to get there.
So, I thought I'd write some of the things I did in order for that to happen:
Forgive yourself for whatever your contribution was to the problems in the marriage. I am not saying those were the cause of this, because they clearly werent. But I think it is necessary to look at what we could have done differently.
Accept what is for the moment. Even if it doesnt make sense. Even if it isnt what you want. If you keep fighting against it, you stay stuck.
Stop trying to convince your spouse he/she is wrong. That is impossible right now. It just is. They cant hear you. No matter how many times or how many ways you say it. You are just frustrating yourself.
Do not allow them to disrespect you. It is no ok for them to treat you badly. MLC does not give them a free pass for bad behavior.
Become who you want to be.
Do not allow their words or actions to affect you words or actions.
Show your children how to navigate through life's turmoils with dignity and grace.
Leave them to their journey. Really and truly.
Trust that He has a plan.
You are in control of how you act, of who you are, of what you do. You get to decide when you cannot do this any longer. Hold that close.
Dig in deep to resolve your own issues.
Remember that you are strong, capable, wonderful people and you are worthy.
The lack in them has nothing at all to do with you. It is their crisis.
Get yourself a roadmap of how you want to act. Let it begin with dignity, honor and strength. Refer to it often.
This is not a life threatening thing. So remember that you will be ok, because you will be. You will get through this. You will come out of it stronger.
For me, the way to peace was to forgive him and to understand that we all just do the best we can.
I hope that you come to understand that this is not what defines you and who you are.
