Reaching out for support and advice!!

[bluesgal]

Well, H is a mixed bag. He is more emotionally distant than ever. He says he feels next to nothing for me. Just wants to make it through the holidays. He wants to 'try' for the kids.

His actions couldn't be further from trying. He is so far gone. Angry, resentful. He started smoking. He has never smoked and even has asthma...I don't get it!!

We had a wonderful weekend. Family movie night, watched breaking bad together. Today was church, bakery, sledding, football. Everything was great, but I could tell he was antsy. He starts to get that nervous twitch with his leg. Whenever he gets like this, he needs to leave and take a drive around. Nothing seems to trigger it, but he definitely has anxiety. I just wait for him to come to me and tell me he wants to leave for awhile...and he did just that.

I don't want to sleep in this bed alone anymore. I hate not having a partner and friend. Where is he? The more time apart we take, the further he pushes me/us away. He actually told me about a week ago that if it weren't for the kids, I would never see him again. How can anyone say such hurtful comments?

I feel like I'm close to throwing in the towel. As I lay in this bed, my son is keeping me company. He will sleep here tonight. These kids are what's keeping me going, but I don't know how much longer.