House sold, got new one, family breaking up....

[FloydMan]

That is the perfect way to put it.
So glad you are good.

[FloydMan]

Lonely Christmas days are here. As aware I was it was coming, it [censored]. Still not prepared. I miss my babies. Just seems so wrong.

[FloydMan]

Used to love Christmas.
Not only has it been lonely and tough, the girl I was seeing until 2 months ago (for 7 months) sends me a note yesterday saying "Merry Christmas Sweetheart" and a kiss thingy. I connected with her later that night on text and she tells me she is unexpectedly pregnant and is now working on things with her husband (who she admits not being in love with and married a friend and is afraid to be shunned by family and friends). Swears it is not mine. Then she got cold and nasty with me and doesn't want to talk about it and wants it to be private. Wants to be friends. Says she "thinks" she is happy but not sure.
So, 2 women in less than a year tell me how much they love me and care for me and now one of them is pregnant and gone back to her H and the other I am still in the nastiest of litigation with. Must be me.

[AJM]

Wait, the girl you were dating is married to somebody else? Or was she already divorced and just went back to the ex? Trying to follow that.

Look at the bright side with this one, Floyd. She might be really nice, and you may still be friends with her, but at least you didn't marry her

I get that it's tough at the holidays. It did s*ck for me for a while. I'm actually pretty happy with them and look forward to them again. It's not because my ex stopped the harassment. It's because I made a choice to do things differently regardless of her actions and antics.

Other than the drama of the GF, how have your holidays been?


AJ

[FloydMan]

Hey AJM,

Ya she was separated and went back to try due to pressure of family etc...at least that's what she said. The four parents are all close friends. They are Persian and have only been here 12-13 years. Said the pregnancy was an accident and is going to try and make it work as a family. I must respect that. Though she said she is unsure if she is happy about the pregnancy but is accepting it.
I was very, very attracted to her and she is 19 years younger and the shallow side of me knows she is absolutely stunning but clearly is mixed up. She is committing to someone she really doesn't love in the heart but feels the friendship they have is strong enough to try.
Odd today, she seemed mad at me. So I asked if she just wanted me to be out of her life altogether and never communicate and she said no, that she wants to be friends. I think it is best I just back away. It hurt because I did like her a lot, hoped we could have started something and was a bit of ego validation but my kids sent me tons of love and say they can't wait to spend the week with me staring Saturday so that is validation enough for me.
The Holidays have been sombre. It just doesn't feel right but it is the way forward. The ongoing litigation and her antics continue. She tried to pit my D15 against me about money. Created some uncomfortable strain with my D but hope I explained that I pay my monthly support and that her mother should not ask her to ask me for more on her behalf putting her in the middle. Her mom feels i should pay half for her entertainment when on her access time. The law, supprt order and agreements say otherwise. Terrible to make the child do this and make me look bad. Hope my D understands. My L and counsellor say to simply refuse when exW does this or it won't stop. She sucked me in long enough. Now she uses the child. Ultra manipulative. Both the counsellor and L say my D will someday get it. Short term pain as they say.

[AJM]

Gotcha. I agree you should stay very far from the ex gf. If you respect her at all, you should give her the chance to have a happy family and get her head straight. To be honest, you really should stay away from mixed up girls like that. I can tell you from my own situation, that is very dangerous. I know my ex's friends almost ended up maimed and otherwise due to dynamics like that. I didn't exercise that option because I figured it out early enough - this wasn't about them, but rather about her. But I remember the thoughts and suggest you stay out of that kind of dynamic


As for the daughter and ex? Your C and L are both correct. Drop the rope with your ex. Mine is similar in many ways to what you describe. It wasn't until I stopped trying to defend or argue or otherwise acknowledge her ramblings that she began to taper off. I keep it to just business and insist she do the same.

My kids? My daughter is currently angry - she moved in with her mom and her mom's new husband (OM) when she was just shy of 16. Up until then, my daughter and I were very close. Her mom moved out the first time on Mother's day a few years earlier. She married the OM 9 months after the divorce was final.

The more I ignore my ex, the more she tries to get a response. Either directly or through my kids. And as she does, my kids gravitate more toward me.

Your ex is a loon. I have no respect for anyone that puts a child in the middle of a divorce to get at somebody. None. Take that ability off the table by not responding. Once you do that, you may see that there is very little you need to interact with your ex about.


And stay away from the mixed up crazies. It'll be healthier for you in the long run.


AJ

[FloydMan]

To your point AJM...Well she sent me an email saying she wasn't taking the kids today and that she has gone out of town for a few days and will take the kids on the 7th. She did not tell the kids, plush I had plans. She finally sent me an email saying she did not have a backup plan and already left. We had just signed off in court a coup,e weeks ago the access schedule. I asked kids if they knew they would not see their mom for New Years and they did not know. I kept trying to reach her and she finally phoned yesterday and said sorry but she is out of town and will see them on the 7th and had no backup plan. She said if I had plans that to leave the kids at her place or mine and they will be fine on their own for a day. What and idiot. So I cancelled my plans obviously (had a date) and spending it with kids. They are showing me love. For someone who fought a long and expensive legal battle for the kids, and claimed the kids should not be without their mother for more than 3-4 days through legal letters and court pleadings she is out to lunch. This will make it 10 days and nights she will not see them. The custody battle was all for more support money. She is nuts and incredibly selfish. Manipulating. She had this trip planned and waited until she left so there is no choice or Cunning. Bad mommy.
I know it is said to GAL all this past year, but I certainly have not been able to except some infrequent dates and a crazy girl for a bit part time and discreet. This will be the next 10 years of my life....I gotta get used to it.

[AJM]

Hey Floyd. I get it. Been there.

Know what? You're the adult. Your kids are fortunate that you realize that.

You don't know for sure why she fought for custody. I doubt she does, except it seemed like the social norm. Could be for money, could be she "felt" she should for the kids. She obviously has some issues, my friend.

That said, document it. You'll need it later.

And don't be surprised if there's more. As a father, do your best to keep the kids from feeling it - it would really suck to feel like your mom doesn't want you, ya know?

AJ

[FloydMan]

Ya, I got ya AJ....that would suck.
Some days are so tough and lonely....even when not alone.
I'm so tired. This marathon of litigation and divorce is hopefully almost over in the next few weeks. Very sad but a step for the future.

[FloydMan]

Has been a week...still no response from her lawyer on my offer to settle. Offer is good and went above what i should have/required to. Does not respond to other business at hand re; banking, kids etc. . except only when she wants something.
Why not just settle and be done with it all? This is what she wants and she is dragging it on. Just to hurt me more????? Cruel as they come and still about control. Still bums me out and I feel trapped. She forced this divorce but wont end it qckly, equitbaly or amicably. She disappears for a week to Mexico and didn't tell the kids. She cancelled on them for the trip and went without them. She didn't even call them....not even on New Year's. Selfish.

On the good side...going out tomorrow with someone I have known since high school. She asked me out! A little nervous. She knew my exW as she is within a close circle of my friends and they hung a bit. Was even at my wedding. My exW was always a little jealous of her and had made comments in the past we had had flings. Nope....never.