Quiet evening. H ate dinner in his den, brought me his dishes when he was done and I thanked him for doing so. He thanked me for dinner. I told him I was sorry about yesterday, that I realized I was rather awful and put a lot of pressure on him. He didn't have anything to say about that, but gave me a hug before he left this evening.
Tomorrow afternoon son has his therapy, tomorrow evening I have an Holiday Party to attend. Looking forward to some adult company with people who like me. lol.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Did my application/assessment for the online job tbh42 mentioned.
I feel like I did pretty well, hopefully they will be in touch.
Cleaned all three bathrooms, vacuumed the whole house minus the den and son's bedroom, cleaned and refilled both litter boxes. Might still push the mop around the kitchen, then shower, then bed. Feeling better today. Serene.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Good luck w/the job. I hope and pray that something comes thru for you very soon. Please try to stay positive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Did my application/assessment for the online job tbh42 mentioned.
I feel like I did pretty well, hopefully they will be in touch.
Cleaned all three bathrooms, vacuumed the whole house minus the den and son's bedroom, cleaned and refilled both litter boxes. Might still push the mop around the kitchen, then shower, then bed. Feeling better today. Serene.
Oh I hope it works out for you!
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
I took son to his therapist today. She is concerned he is suffering from some level of depression. She says he doesn't test consistently on the baseline tests for depression, but he has seemed out of sorts and not his usual self the past two visits. That he seems "emotionally drained" compared to his usual demeanor.
Not sure what to do about it besides stick to my efforts not to yell and fight about stuff, try to do more fun things together with him, and give him opportunities to talk about how he is feeling... he's a male though, so that last bit is already hard. I can tell there is "stuffing things down" and plenty of "I'm fine" coming out of his mouth when he is not fine.
I had a very nice time at my holiday party. Great food and conversation. It reminded me that I AM a fun and well liked person... it really is my H that has the issues. Made some new friends too, hopefully will get to do some GALing with them in the future.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Sorry to hear your son's got depression I see your son has got aspergers, my son has got high functioning autism which is similar. I sometimes wonder what he feels about the sitch as he doesn't show his feelings. They take everything literally and look at life as black and white. When my H left me, the first thing that my son said was "he's taken the WIIU!" I'm so pleased that your son has got a therapist. My son sees the college mentor and I spoke to her before and asked her if she would find out if anything was bothering him. I think it's easier for them to talk to someone else about what's bothering them. The mentor hasn't said anything to me about what they've been talking about, but even though it's confidential I think she may alert me if it was something major.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I had a very nice time at my holiday party. Great food and conversation. It reminded me that I AM a fun and well liked person... it really is my H that has the issues. Made some new friends too, hopefully will get to do some GALing with them in the future.
Tiger,
YES!! You ARE FUN and nice and it's not YOU having the issues. IT'S HIM. I'm glad you gave yourself a chance to see this. It's crazy, isn't it?? We spend all this time feeling rejected and being hard on ourselves for not meeting the needs of our spouses. Then, we push ourselves out there and realize that we aren't such lousy human beings after all. In fact, we are pretty doggone amazing!! We are fun and like to laugh and have funny stories to tell...
As far as your son is concerned. I've been working on this whole expressing feeling thing with my D11 (Aspie too). With my D11, she has a hard time identifying feelings and that's where I'm starting. I'm using a chart--something she thinks is stupid--but, until she can really identify the difference between anger and irritation or tired and annoyed...well, we are going to keep on using the worksheet.
I've noticed that, when she expresses the feelings, the depression lifts. The hard part, with an aspie especially, is to get the feelings OUT. A few nights ago, I had my D19 and her bestie talk to her and write down the things she said.
"So, do you want to see dad tomorrow?" D11: No. D19: Because???? D11: He's stupid. D19: Why is he stupid. What is he doing that you think is stupid? D11: He has done lots of stuff that is stupid. I think he is dumb. D19: YOu sound angry. Are you angry with dad? D11: Yeah. D19: How come? What's one thing he did that makes you angry? D11: He lives with the stupid lady.
On and on it goes. But, as she talks, she becomes lighter. Visibly, in her face, you can see her lighten up.
I know how hard it is.
Another thing I've been trying...I've been helping her along some. I can sense, as her mom, what feeling she is struggling with. I suggest the feeling..."D11, are you feeling afraid about Dad coming over?"
Usually, I get a NO. But, if I persist and throw out a few more feelings, she will add something to the conversation. "Mom, I'm mad."
About what?...She may be vague in her answer, but I help fill in the blanks. I will say, "So, you are saying that you feel mad with Dad (or whomever) because he said such and such. Is this right?" Then, she will clarify if I'm on target or not.
I know you have your own way of working with him. This is just what works with my Daughter.
I think you are doing great. And, you are doing without much to any support. I hope you are giving yourself some props for this. And, I think your job application is AWESOME!!
Some wonderful job is right around the corner.
Lots of love to you,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I do the same with my son, except he says "oh just forget it!" and then clams up. Trying to get him to talk about his feelings is near impossible. Each one is different I suppose, but I'm glad it works for you LoisB
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I see your son has got aspergers, my son has got high functioning autism which is similar. I sometimes wonder what he feels about the sitch as he doesn't show his feelings. They take everything literally and look at life as black and white. When my H left me, the first thing that my son said was "he's taken the WIIU!"