Do I really need that ? I'm really enjoying the swing dancing, he probably would do it with me, so why bother hoping anymore. It'll be a year in May, and we've been apart the whole time, so it will go through pretty fast.
whoopsie. I meant he wouldn't do it.
The more and more I look at things , the less I seem to care.
Maybe it is just me cycling again, not sure.
There were too many times that I lived under incredible stress. When going through documents, I did not know our first house went into foreclosure.
He kept that from me. Was concerned it was too much for me and that I couldn't deal with it...WOW!
Know wonder he's terrified to try again, this is where the root of his fear( about us ) lay. He has other issues, but I can see this.
I'm going to have to show a pattern of him being financially irresponsible. Not something I want to do.
I am vacillating to and fro.
Do I stand? Would it really be best for me, or us?
Yes it would be best for our children.
I just don't know.
I still haven't responded to his Dear Jane.
I'm wondering , do I even have to?
What purpose does it serve, and what difference would it really make?
His Aunt sent a check, mailed it to us, but as usual written to him.
I have for years always signed it and deposited it in my acct.
I figure since there is still no agreement, that I'll just keep with the pattern.
I won't use but half, in case for some reason it becomes an issue.
It would allow me to get some equipment and start to work on my own. That would be a positive first step.
I talked to my boss and she said she'd lower the price she was asking me. So this is a step in the right direction.
I'm going to church this morn, then the house. If I have any energy, the gym.
I need the strength to stay focused, and to detach all the way.
I just hope my daughter (s) one day see I loved, cared , and was willing to give it my all.
That my back is up against a wall, and I have to protect what's left.
Was I living a fantasy? Should I have gone back to work even when he said I didn't have to? Should I have been more involved with our finances, even though we disagreed on how to handle them?
Or would we still be here, because no matter how much money was made, it was still spent?
