I didn't mention much, just sort of nodded and agreed.
Good job! Just be the best listener ever. If he opens up don't fall into the trap of wanting to open up to him in return because right now he doesn't really care to hear about your feelings. Just listen and validate.
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H mentioned again that he doesn't know where he is regarding us, and would prefer not to do anything until he has his 'lightbulb moment'.
That's actually good news, it says he's not in a hurry to push forward with D, so you've got plenty of time. Be sure to give him time and space, keep showing him your changes, and don't pressure him at all with R or M talks.
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I said that I didn't agree it was as long as fifteen years but we would have to agree to disagree over that.
Don't argue, validate. "It sounds like you've felt pushed away a long time, that sounds very frustrating. I'm sorry you feel that way." Note that in saying this you would not be agreeing with him or disagreeing with him, you're just acknowledging his feelings. That's validation. His feelings are very real to him no matter how true or false the matters are that made him feel that way. Don't argue because when you do you tell him inadvertently that you don't care about his feelings.
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I've arranged to talk to a DB counsellor in the New Year. I feel I need some guidance on the best way to proceed from here.
Great. Until then read Sandi's tips every day and follow them closely!
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And AS, I did sound a bit irrational in my last post didnt I? Thanks for bringing me back to earth with that one word
