I agree with you, being patient while being on an emotional roller coaster is very difficult. Although reading books and discussing problems with your MIL is helpful, it sounds as if you would really benefit from the advice of a Divorce Busting coach. Call me to discuss our DB telephone coaching program. 303-444-7004.
Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
"Now what? It's not a control issue. She's having an affair. Doesn't seem to care about anything but that."
You don't seem to understand. It's not about her wanting an A. It's about her wanting to be HAPPY. You said you weren't the greatest H, so now she's trying to be happy.
You are trying to control her and the situation and that's what's driving you crazy.
"I'm not trying to get her to see my pain."
Yes you are. That's why you send those emails that make YOU feel better.
"People on this forum and elsewhere have suggested filing."
Personally I don't think this would work because she hasn't had any reason to want to go back to you. I mean, what would make you such a catch that she would like to go back to you?
"Worry she may rack up debt because she's "super broke"?"
You would be trying to control her again by punishing her. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be held accountable, but the way you're approaching it is like you would be punishing her. And isn't that how you treated her before?
What can you do to make things different?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
What does your angry self want to do? Do the opposite...
Do nothing....
Get on with taking care of yourself. Get out, have fun with some friends.
Aside from making you feel better. SHE will hear about it..
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
I am having a meltdown. I admit. And I don't know what to do. I'm fine one minute them crying or panic attacks. There's not much to do where I live. The house is a bit isolated and it's lonely.
I had wanted to move her things to storage but kinda feel like it's too early. For myself. Idk what'll be better....her stuff here or gone. It's a reminder and it hurts. When it's moved out this house will be pretty empty and sad then too. Idk.
Her checking out and leaving like she did hurt plenty. I did believe we would be back together. Then OM involved and I became more lost, confused, hurt, uncertain. That really should be enough for me to let it all go. It should be enough for me not to want to be with her.
I know I'm co dependant and so is she. I know I've messed up with a letter, text, being needy. I didn't beg or plead but did in the beginning of this try reason. It's done and I need to accept it and go on. For whatever reason I cannot.
I'm reading marriage books, staying busy for the most part, eating, showering, maintaining, seeing friends (all mutual and know the situation), I don't really have anyone to help me through. I have a friend I talk on the phone with occasionally. I'm trying not to drink heavily.
You all know we live and I work at a place my in laws provided. It was to get on our feet and move into our own place where we wanted. Our issues started and became worse because we stayed here too long. She loves the city and although this was a wanted break from that, she wanted to go back. I have too for awhile but we continued here and it had a huge impact on damaging our marriage. Now that it's over I need to go. I can stay to live and work and I'm thankful for that but I don't think it's a good idea to.
There's not too many trustworthy people around here and my in laws liked that they could always depend on and trust me here. They will understand if I want to go but there's a lot to work out before I do so. Out of respect for them I need to do that right.
I have an opportunity to move, rent a house with a friend, and change my life. I feel it's a little early now but I need to take action and get out of here. The issue with it is that it's in the city she moved back to (where her parents are and we used to live). So it's possible our paths will cross. It will be tough. Idk what I should do yet but I know I need to leave here before too long and that could be a good opportunity for me.
I'm an adult and I need to make some tough decisions. I've been pretty lucky in life. This is the hardest , most emotionally intense thing I've ever had to go through. I'm trying not to make decisions based on emotions or what W would think/feel about it (that's hard because that's all we had for awhile). I need to really give things thought.
Hey I need you to send me a check and two masks from the the wall. I want the red velvet mask and the small black one with net across the eyes. please send them ASAP. I'm completly broke and I need the masks before January 10th. Please wrap the masks up very well. I appreciate it. I need money for myself and Christmas presents for my nieces & nephews. Thank you. And please send me the folder with my birth certificate and our marriage license. I must have an ID. I think it's on the book shelf.
Couple of questions, does she work, is any of the money she wants from the account(s) money that she helps put in? Did she say how much money she wants? Do her parents, your bosses, know about whats going on, and how would they feel if you gave them or held back money to their daughter? Get my drift?
I just don't have enough information about your sitch to really offer any advice one way or the other. What are you going to do, and why are you going to do it? Remember this isn't about punishing your wife if you choose not to send the money, but you better have a legitimate reason if your leaning that direction.
She doesn't work. We have separate accounts and I used to add money to hers.
That was her text word for word. No amount asked for.
My in laws know the situation and do not agree with her or like what she's doing/deciding. How would they feel? Idk. I suspect they would or are supporting her but I'm not sure. Like I said they do not like what she's doing.
It's not about punishing her. But look at what she's doing/done.
