Dealing with Uncertainty...

[slow_it_down]

Why not plan something fun for yourself for your birthday that doesn't include him? Having something other than him to look forward to will help take your mind off of him and how long it has been since he texted you.

Also, do you typically respond right away when he texts? Maybe make yourself a little less available. He's busy? So are you - out there living life right

You are on pretty good ground with him and it seems like you just need to be patient while he works things out in his own time.

[NeedingMore]

Thanks everyone. Barrybran and 2ndTimeHurt, I have to check your threads.

Thanks for checking in Groov

Slow,

Funny you should say that. I was thinking about it today. Since I started commuting for work, I have been staying with my friend and her husband. BF doesn't really ask about my schedule. He did ask about my bday but sadly, I was hoping that I would have to work so I wouldn't have to worry about him and what he may or may not do. I don't typically celebrate my b-day too much, and I am at my moms (who I am not thrilled about spending time with) so I think I will try to find something to do with my kids. I don't know.

I have been guilty about texting him back too quickly. I have been getting better about this. Especially since working. I purposefully do not keep my phone on me at work. So this is helping a lot. Our situation is so weird, and he is hard to read. He texts a lot then he doesn't...he texts back fast and then he waits. I don't know.

I will say that for the last few days, I have felt more normal than I have since this all began. I haven't even cried. (Ok, today I cried for 2 minutes. I think it was more because of my mom being rude to me though!)It feels good to be "me" again. I am taking great comfort in becoming a better person. Sometimes I think about my R with BF and I still have a lot of guilt for things I should have done differently. I believe this is where most of my pain comes from. I hope its not too late.

Anyway, thanks Slow, I need these reminders to be patient. It has never been my strong suit. I think about that being the thing that got me here in the first place.

The next few days should be interesting. I have three final projects to finish for school, work, my b-day and of course X-mas shopping to do! I am going to focus on buying some meaningful gifts and doing it with joy!

[2ndTimeHurt]

Glad to see you still posting. Also glad that you are feeling ok. It's always nice when you are feeing somewhat good.

Happy early bday! You should buy yourself a nice bday/Xmas gift as well!!

You should also add a signature. Totally helps to give a brief description of your situation.

[NeedingMore]

2nd,

Thank you! Being near X-mas, each year I usually spend the b-day shopping for others! It's actually fine I love it, because I can say all I want is to shop ALONE for my b-day! I get the most done! This year my kids' dad is gone for the holiday. He left yesterday for 2 months. I am sure this was a conspiracy since I just started a new job and can't exactly take time off...while when I was out of work he NEVER traveled anywhere. So it goes. Maybe I will make it a fun shopping day with my kids and we can get shopping done for everyone else. They love to shop of course! I have bought two or three gifts so far...pretty good for me this year!

Hope everyone is having a happy holiday season. I know it can be hard with family problems. I am trying to rise to the challenge and be jolly anyway!

I added my signature

[NeedingMore]

I really don't understand him. I have been really busy and playing it cool. No initiating and he contacts me. The other night texting me that he misses me. He asked if I work on Sunday (my bday) and I just found out yesterday that I do not. So I texted him to day so. He said great and invited me to his parents house for an early Christmas. I said yes. Then I texted him to see if he wanted to grab a beer when I got off work. He never answered me. I don't understand him. Maybe I shouldn't go tomorrow. Maybe I should make something up that came up. Maybe I shouldn't have texted about the beer. But he said he missed me. I am so sick of this. Why is he stringing me along inviting me here and there and then ignoring me? Part of me wishes he would just end it already, his lack of interest is so hurtful. What kind of relationship does he think we have? He obviously didn't plan anything for my bday. He did invite me last minute to his parents. I don't know what to do. It's my bday tomorrow and maybe I should just be with people who always want to be with me, not just when it's convenient for them.
Feeling irritated.

[paul19510]

my W does the same thin. before she left the house, she started making coffee for me in the mornings again. it was a familiar pattern after we would "do our dance". I extended a hand by calling her a day later to offer and bring a sandwich to her work and share it. she said no thanks. then she got mad at me that evening because I "just don't understand how busy she is and should not have felt hurt"....

If you're not married and he's treating you like that, its not cool in my book

[NeedingMore]

Yeah, it's a dance for sure. I can't do it anymore. Felt like I was making progress and now I think it's just sinking in that I'm waiting on the wrong guy. Hard to accept, I guess.

[2ndTimeHurt]

Have no expectations. It's not the same relationship as before.

[NeedingMore]

Apparantly he was working and "meant to send me a text." He wants to celebrate my bday tomorrow. Am I crazy? I feel like a crazy person.

[NeedingMore]

Well, I survived the birthday and had a great time. I think we had some good progress yesterday. BF made me feel very good and I got a little R talk in...very little, but something is better than nothing.

BF got off work yesterday morning at 6am and went to sleep. We were supposed to be at his parents house by 2pm for "early x-mas". He decided to carpool with his brother because he didn't know I was in town and thought I was coming from home. I met him there. I was a little irritated since I waited for him and had things that I could have gotten done, but I didn't want to be late. Anyway, I was mainly irritated by his lack of communication with me and making me wonder about our plans. I decided that I would let it go by the time I got there and be happy. When I arrived he had flowers for me. We had a great time and he played with my girls most of the day. They jumped on the trampoline and together we watched them jump and jump. It was nice to see his family and our friends who I haven't seen in ages. It made me feel good for them to see us "back together" since I know they have all been as unsure of our status as I have.

He said he had offered to drive his brother home since he had been drinking and I got a little upset because he had mentioned doing something for my b-day after the party. I tried really hard to have no expectations and "acted as if" I wasn't upset but he can sniff me out every time. Since I had my kids and we were 1 1/2 hours from home, I couldn't just go with him...and his place doesn't have room for all of us. So....this is the best part...he thought about what to do and told me that we would work it out and do something after no matter what. He hugged and kissed me and said he was open to finding space for the girls at his place. He said I love you, etc. I was more than happy because I thought he was just going to say "sorry I have to take my brother home".

We ended up leaving the girls at his parents house for the night and I went home with him. We went out and had a nice beer and then back to his place and he had champagne for me and we opened our x-mas gifts. He have me a very thoughtful personalized phone case and I was very happy about that. I know it made him feel good that I loved it so much, I could tell by the look on his face.

Then we went to bed. It was pretty awesome.

Back to the beer talk...it was all pretty normal talk but he made a very big effort to ask about me for a change. He even mentioned how he knows he always talks about himself and work/firefighting. It was a nice acknowledgment, he asked about work and school, etc. When he was talking about his shifts at work he was saying how brutal they have been. He works 12 hour shifts and they are back to back sometimes he only has a few hours in between to sleep. He said he felt REALLY REALLY bad about not returning some of my texts' and apologized. Then I said that was a relief because I thought he didn't want to talk to me sometimes. He said "that is never the case". This was nice to hear too. He truly is too busy for me. This realization has been hurtful, but I think I am coming to terms with it...and that he just needs me to be understanding about it. I am feeling a lot better...and it is because we communicated!! Hey! What a concept! Sometimes I just want to say that all I need is to be able to talk to him about things and get reassurance, but you can't ask for it!
Anyway, I am so hopeful and feeling so great about this whole sitch...

If I had a DB coach, I would want to ask how long do I continue to detach, not contact, etc. It seems to work and make him more interested when I back off, but I don't want him to think I am playing games, especially after such a great day and night together. Maybe I should go back to IC because I think a lot of my issues have to do with projection. I assume the worst, despite my effort not to. And then it eats away at me. I think I need help to stop it.

Also, in my head I seem to be caught up in wanting to know if he will move back in with me. I worry about it but I am trying not to. One day at a time, right? Also, it would be way too much pressure to ask him about that when things are going so well.

I can't wait until the day that I can look back and be grateful for this time, since it really has been a gift in knocking down the walls that I have had up and realizing how much I can love someone.

Ok enough for now...I still have some Christmas shopping to do! UGH!