Hoping for Reconciliation after being Separated...

[paul19510]

I'm giving space. Essential contacts only at this time. I try to limit anything to 1X per day or less if possible. I just smile and wave if we do pass each other in the driveway when she's picking up or dropping off. Or if our cars pass on the street when I'm leaving and she's arriving. I stopped by her barn to pick up some tools I'd left behind. She was there doing chores this morning. She smiled big and said hi. I played along. Not sure why she seemed almost happy to see me and I didn't want to react too much. I got what I needed, wished her a good day and kept on going. I have told people because it was awkward not to. they kept asking normal questions about so how's the wife and her horses etc. No one is surprised. I ran the house and most of the kids stuff like a single parent when she was here. nothing changed.

Feelings pass in waves, between sorrow, anger, hopelessness and hope for a brighter future. Each of those things wash over me within a day.

worst time is between 330 and 530 AM. there's nowhere to go to escape the thoughts If I can't sleep. I don't want the wman that just left. I want to build a new life. I guess that what she must also consider. I pretty much told her, the marriage we had is dysfunctional. if we survive, it will have to be rebuilt right.

I have always pursued and she's always distanced. Its almost like she's daring me to fall into that again when I see her. Because I am not falling into more of the same, I don't think she know how to react to me. A WAS did say to me that she really disliked her H during this period of time. there was nothing he could have done or said that would have changed that in her mind She recommended I continue to disappear until that feeling passes (if ever).