I am having a meltdown. I admit. And I don't know what to do.
I'm fine one minute them crying or panic attacks. There's not much to do where I live. The house is a bit isolated and it's lonely.

I had wanted to move her things to storage but kinda feel like it's too early. For myself.
Idk what'll be better....her stuff here or gone. It's a reminder and it hurts. When it's moved out this house will be pretty empty and sad then too. Idk.

Her checking out and leaving like she did hurt plenty. I did believe we would be back together. Then OM involved and I became more lost, confused, hurt, uncertain. That really should be enough for me to let it all go. It should be enough for me not to want to be with her.

I know I'm co dependant and so is she. I know I've messed up with a letter, text, being needy. I didn't beg or plead but did in the beginning of this try reason. It's done and I need to accept it and go on. For whatever reason I cannot.

I'm reading marriage books, staying busy for the most part, eating, showering, maintaining, seeing friends (all mutual and know the situation), I don't really have anyone to help me through. I have a friend I talk on the phone with occasionally. I'm trying not to drink heavily.


You all know we live and I work at a place my in laws provided. It was to get on our feet and move into our own place where we wanted. Our issues started and became worse because we stayed here too long. She loves the city and although this was a wanted break from that, she wanted to go back. I have too for awhile but we continued here and it had a huge impact on damaging our marriage. Now that it's over I need to go. I can stay to live and work and I'm thankful for that but I don't think it's a good idea to.

There's not too many trustworthy people around here and my in laws liked that they could always depend on and trust me here. They will understand if I want to go but there's a lot to work out before I do so. Out of respect for them I need to do that right.

I have an opportunity to move, rent a house with a friend, and change my life. I feel it's a little early now but I need to take action and get out of here. The issue with it is that it's in the city she moved back to (where her parents are and we used to live). So it's possible our paths will cross. It will be tough. Idk what I should do yet but I know I need to leave here before too long and that could be a good opportunity for me.

I'm an adult and I need to make some tough decisions. I've been pretty lucky in life. This is the hardest , most emotionally intense thing I've ever had to go through. I'm trying not to make decisions based on emotions or what W would think/feel about it (that's hard because that's all we had for awhile). I need to really give things thought.