Ambivalent, I had to sit on your posting last night to think about what you are trying to get across to your h. First, the timing wouldn't have been good any time of the year and the holidays don't mean anything to him at the moment, except to get out of the situation and run like heck. So, pointing out the time of the year, won't do much, if anything. He may have a glimmer of guilt, but not for long.
Also, the way you had the sentence worded about the mortgage is more like a mother telling her son not to default and then you are telling him to rectify the situation and keep it current. They do not like to be told what to do and this may push him to go ahead w/his plans of defaulting.
Instead of asking him to place your name on the gifts you are telling him to do so...it's his choice if he doesn't want to do so.
You may not like the way that I've taken your responses and rewrote them...but you did ask for feedback.
Here's my take:
H, I read your email and even though I don't agree w/your decisions, I have to accept that these are your decisions at this time.
Is there anyway that we can avoid the mortgage going into default? If so, can we work together and rectify any delinquent payments and continue the payments on time?
If you are planning to give gifts to our family and friends, would you please add my name on the gift tags as well? I was unable to purchase separate gifts this year because you had advised me that there no funds available to do so. I would appreciate it if you would do this for me this year.
You are welcome to come by and visit w/your daughters during Christmas.
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I think will give him something to think about because you are asking questions...not telling him to do things.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
