Thank you UR. Feeling emotial today and needed to see this!!! You know just what to say:)
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
This stuff can break your heart, tear up your soul. I get that. I have been there.
The goal should be to get yourself to a place of peace.
There are a few things that need to happen in order to get there.
So, I thought I'd write some of the things I did in order for that to happen:
Forgive yourself for whatever your contribution was to the problems in the marriage. I am not saying those were the cause of this, because they clearly werent. But I think it is necessary to look at what we could have done differently.
Accept what is for the moment. Even if it doesnt make sense. Even if it isnt what you want. If you keep fighting against it, you stay stuck.
Stop trying to convince your spouse he/she is wrong. That is impossible right now. It just is. They cant hear you. No matter how many times or how many ways you say it. You are just frustrating yourself.
Do not allow them to disrespect you. It is no ok for them to treat you badly. MLC does not give them a free pass for bad behavior.
Become who you want to be.
Do not allow their words or actions to affect you words or actions.
Show your children how to navigate through life's turmoils with dignity and grace.
Leave them to their journey. Really and truly.
Trust that He has a plan.
You are in control of how you act, of who you are, of what you do. You get to decide when you cannot do this any longer. Hold that close.
Dig in deep to resolve your own issues.
Remember that you are strong, capable, wonderful people and you are worthy.
The lack in them has nothing at all to do with you. It is their crisis.
Get yourself a roadmap of how you want to act. Let it begin with dignity, honor and strength. Refer to it often.
This is not a life threatening thing. So remember that you will be ok, because you will be. You will get through this. You will come out of it stronger.
For me, the way to peace was to forgive him and to understand that we all just do the best we can.
I hope that you come to understand that this is not what defines you and who you are.
uR, Your pearls of wisdom on this thread are absolutely priceless. Each and every posting here is full of helpful information and I do hope that the posters will print the postings off and pull them out whenever they are feeling confused, lost, hurt and/or disappointed.
Life goes on and so will you. It may take a while to feel better about yourself and your situation...but always remember...you didn't cause his/her crisis. The crisis was going to happen whether he/she was w/you or not.
All of you are good, kind, caring and compassionate people...please do not ever forget that.
I do hope that each of you will find some joy this holiday season and can find a way to leave the MLC monster outside your home.
Happy Holidays!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
uR, I wish the same for you and your family...joy, laughter and peace my friend.
BTW, has anyone heard from Wonka? I hope that she's okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I came across this last week, and I just wanted to share it
I know that it has been around for many years, yet it is always "worthy" of a read...
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.
I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping.
For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.
I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church.
I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."
The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.
Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.
Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering beside my Grandma in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were -- ridiculous. Santa was alive and well and we were on his team.
I still have the Bible with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.
May you always have LOVE to share,
HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care...
And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!
Merry Christmas to all of you going through this...
Accept that this IS a gift that you have been given...
And remember that the seeds that you plant this year, will bear fruit for years to come...
God bless, and may the magic of the season renew your faith in family, loved ones, old friends, and fix the fences between neighbors...
Mach, I actually never read that story, thank you.
My son and I knew exactly how Bobby Decker felt a few years ago. Some of you on here are the reason we did. We talk about it every year at this time. It was an act of kindness we will never forget.
I've stumbled into the eggnog cauldron and am still floating inside it! All's good here in Wonkaland! Super duper busy with festivites and all.
Had to break some tension in my family. After certain family members had left my grandmother's house for far flung visits, I gathered my stepmother, aunt [her sister], and grandmother [her Mom] in a small, tight circle with arms around each other...they all looked at me wondering what I was up to...then I said, in my best Wonka voice, "Our fun just got started!" Then all burst out laughing real hard. Just like that...the tension went poof! Buh-bye...
Merry Christmas to all and enjoy this special time with your loved ones! Especially what's real to you.
Hey - hi- just want to say merry christmas and hopw your holidays are nice.
all quiet on the western front here- so going with it.
doingt he "feast " tomorrow and not at all ready ta da.
as usual, i'm on the verge of resolving (another time - another year) to conquer the procrastination. i cannot figure how to not respond to every little thing & person that creeps in - and keep on some track and actually get things done in advance.
new year's challenge.
gonna remain calm & enjoy the day - one way or the other-
on a positive note- with h here (he's a very good sport about doing stuff with my mom - whew) - soooo he's picked her up so she can sit around here and visit w/neice & her baby & some folks other day- and drags me over there to visit with a "buffer" so going better than when i'm by self.
Super duper busy with festivites and all.