Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[S4tk]

You need a L. But if all you want is information, why are you thinking that she might take the kids?

Her parents live overseas, and the OM also. Near the beginning of this, but after bomb drop, she told me she wouldn't take the kids from me because she knows how important they are to me, and how committed I am to being a good father. She also begged, no matter what, that I would never take them from her.

At the time, I said that if we ever ended up in that situation, we would figure out how to parent together.

But she has been so Jekyll/Hyde these 5 months that I no longer trust her, especially after discovering the A. So my fear comes from lack of trust.

If the level of communication she's had is unacceptable to you to the point you need to do this I would say you are done. But no one but you really knows what's in your heart

I believe there is a high likelihood they have met personally during her trips, in which case I fear (again, the theme is fear) that it is more than "communication." But I don't know that for sure.

That, coupled with the loss of respect toward me, etc. etc. made me feel done this week. I was pretty down about it. But a feeling is not always a decision, and I think I have pulled back from the edge.

Why do you need to do anything about it? She's not a recalcitrant child who needs corrected. That's why I posit that you're having a lot of feelings, some that are making you want to get a little revenge maybe.

Maybe you are right. I don't know if it is revenge. I think I panicked and felt the need to act. Some kind of auto response in me to keep myself from too much injury maybe.

From what you say, you only want to work on the marriage if you have a guarantee that she'll come around. She's a woman who wants out of the marriage. So let her go. [/labug]

I think I have been working on myself for the last three months, and will continue to do so. I see that as potentially working on the M in the event she changes her mind. So I'm not sure that is accurate. At the moment, there is no M to work on. So even though I'm not done, I don't exactly know what that means.

[quote=labug]
Marriages usually don't break on their own, both parties have a hand in it.

If I am giving the impression that I didn't have a part, then thank you for calling me out on that. My lack of emotional expression to her, not going to bed with her most evenings, criticizing her feelings (blindly but I am now aware of it), and a host of other things helped to create this mess.