Coming Back To Life

[BrightFuture]

Pud, you are right, I was thinking too much about H. It was in anticipation of his arrival here. It is like all old wounds opened up again. I think it is different for people whose spouses are at home or in contact all the time because of the kids. I haven’t seen H since May. I was kind of getting used to life without him. So, I started to panic when I thought he would be coming. Now, it is delayed by a couple o weeks. He is still coming to pick up his car at the end of the month. I have a little more time to pull myself back together. Thank you for your support.

Tiger, I’m trying so hard to not over analyze, but I just cannot stop myself from doing it. There is little info and I feel in the dark, I just cannot stand it anymore. Every new unexpected development throws me out of the loop. I think that I’m also doing it to distract myself from another aspect of my life right now. I still don’t have a job, and I don’t where the money is going to come from to pay for my mortgage, utilities and food. I stopped going out with my GF, because it cost me a lot of money (she likes to party.) When I think about taking another class or something like that, I get extremely upset, because I just cannot spend any extra money right now. My car is still running, but my mechanic warned me that it could need some major repair very soon, so I’m trying to avoid long distance trips (and a lot of places are long distance here, where I live.) A couple of trips downtown cost half a tank of gas, and I have to put premium in my car.

I think if I find work I will feel a lot better about everything and will not be concentrating on H that much. I think he still has long way to go in his journey. I thought that he was kind of coming out of his depression and replay back in June, but I guess I was wrong.

He doesn’t seem depressed anymore. I can only judge by his e-mails and responses to me. They became friendlier. I think that the replay is still going on full force. I got a hold of some information and I did some analysis (yes, this forbidden word.) He has a lot of female friends, a lot more than he had before. And there is endless texting between them. It is like if he sends the text and if one doesn’t answer, then he texts another one, until there is a back and forth exchange is going in full force. It is like he can barely spend any day without this texting. I also assume that he sees these women at the bars. This makes me believe that he doesn’t have a full time OW. Would an OW tolerate this heavy texting with other females? Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing?

He always had female friends and I was OK with that as long as it was not a secret from me. I realize now that for some reason he wanted to have women friends, and most of them were single. When I look at his behavior now, I see a teenager trying to be at the center of a party and get attention from as many females as possible. Is he trying to validate or assert himself?

Now he is going to the vacation home to have more party. He turned his text messaging off on his phone because it would be expensive over there. So, now he is going to need some attention from other women. It is going to be his old (from last year) crowd of drunks and local Mexican girls.