Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[S4tk]

Journaling from today. W and I needed to go out looking at a new place to live because we recently moved back from overseas and have been living at a temporary place.

We went out and the apartment wasn't what she was looking for. On the way home, I mentioned that I needed to head out to work for another few hours. Then I saw she had tears in her eyes, and I said that if she needed I could watch the kids and she could go out for a while if she was feeling stressed. Or we could go get a drink before heading back. W said, "with you?"

W asked, "Why is it something you want to help with now?" I told her it was because I care for her and she seemed sad or stressed.

We were then at the driveway of our temporary living place, and she said, "Why do you care now?" I was clueless but I asked her to clarify.

She then explained. She had a job interview this morning and asked me last night if I could stay home from work in the morning to take care of the kids. She told me she needed to leave at 9:15. At that time, I congratulated her for the interview, told her I had something at the same time but I could move it, and then I mentioned to her that we need to follow up on the childcare idea with S1 that she had mentioned earlier in the week, so she could have more time to do things she wanted and needed. Last night, she agreed and said we should do that.

This morning, I went out for a run (part of GALing and 180 too) and got home at 9:00. I assumed that W would ask my mom (W MIL) to feed the kids breakfast, but it seemed she didn't and I could tell W was upset at me before leaving for the interview, but we didn't exchange words.

So this is what she meant later in the day in the car. She slammed the door and went inside. I debated whether to go inside or not, but I went. She was crying in the bathroom, and I knocked and ask to come in. I went in and sat down across from her, and she yelled and cried and told me that I "don't see it and nobody can make me see it." She said that I work 7-8 hours every day (M-F) and I am spending most of Wednesdays driving to IC and having lunch with my friend (I usually have lunch with my good friend to process IC) and said, "That makes sense and I see how you feel." I didn't know what else to say. We talked a little more, and she told me she didn't want anything from me anymore. She asked for some time alone and I left.

An hour later, she asked me if I could watch the kids and she go to sleep at a friend's tonight. I told her I would do that.

What can I learn from this?

Is it fair to say that W feels that I do not care about her needs, and that running in the morning and mentioning child care were selfish? I don't know how to show her that she is more important than work, when I am already working what I feel is bare minimum in order to keep my job.

My inner reaction is that she is blaming me for everything, which I already know. But I want to get past that in order to learn something from this. Is it simply, "I screwed up, so I know better for next time?"

I feel I handled this much better than I would have in the past (no defending, no arguing or debating, etc) but it was still a very negative situation and another step backward, I feel.

(Also, I have not brought up my knowledge of the OM for those who have been following my last few entries).

I almost feel the GALing is somewhat making the situation worse. I need the running and IC and weekly lunch in order to still sane, but they obviously are striking her wrong.