...I have been feeling angry/upset/frustrated etc, toward the WAS during the past couple days. Frustrated about the fact the WAS held in her true feelings for sooo long. She must have been considering this D for years.
When my W dropped the bomb, she said she had been unhappy for many years. Yet later when I asked her why she roped me into getting a pool a year before if she wasn't happy, her response was "I was still happy then". So what changed between then and BD? Nothing at all, I mean literally nothing. There is no reason for her to have been happy a year before BD and not happy at BD, because our M had been on auto-pilot for a DECADE. My point is once the WAS decides to BD, they then claim they were unhappy for years because they want to make it sound like this is something they have thought long and hard about.
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How does someone let themselves get to a point that a D is the only answer, the only hope? Why the heck wouldn't you seek counseling, talk to a friend, your brother/sister, scream, yell, kick. My W didn't and she admitted it.
Poor communication skills. It was a constant gripe throughout my marriage. I was an open book to my W, but she never told me anything willingly. I had to drag everything out of her in little bits and pieces. It was very frustrating. She opened up more in one weekend at Retrovaille than in our entire 25 years together before that. Unfortunately it was too late by then.
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I completely admit that our marriage was not the greatest. I would have even told you our marriage was so-so before I knew she wanted a D. We had a "roommate" with occasional benefit type marriage. We were good friends and good teammates too. But, neither of us put much focus on our marriage, we focused on the kids, activities, events and everything else that life throws at you.
Wow, deja' vu! I'm sure somewhere in my thread that is stated almost word-for-word! Excelt maybe for the ML part, that was fairly frequent throughout our M.
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I would guess that she was already considering D when she was telling me that. SO why the hell wouldn't you say that to your spouse, why wouldn't you be honest about your true feeling. Maybe write a heart felt note, have a family member talk to you, intervention, I dont know something different to get your attention.
I hear you. I wish there was a reasonable answer. All I can tell you is if your W is like mine, she simply can't communicate on that level. She was never given the proper tools. Everyone should have to go through Retrovaille BEFORE they get married.
