Re-devoted myself to my faith and am attempting to live out my values even through this painstaking process. That's why I am still trying to be so nice I guess, turning the other cheek, treating her as I would want to be treated, forgiving.
I know you're a man of faith and I sense that you may be letting your interpretation of that direct your actions, so I'm going to try and appeal to that side of you with the following:
I think people misinterpret the meaning of turning the other cheek:
Matthew 5:38-40 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.
People think it means to completely surrender yourself to others, if they want to run rough-shod over you then let them. But there's a more accurate interpretation. In the Middle East, the left hand was used for "unmentionable" acts and so it was a huge insult to be slapped with the left hand. However, if you turned the other cheek it would force the person to use their right hand which is an insult to THEM. It was an act of defiance. Likewise, If someone wanted to take your shirt and you gave them your coat as well, you would be left naked, an act of terrible embarrassment in that culture to the person suing you and also an act of defiance.
Are you familiar with what Jesus did in the temple when he found the "money changers" there?
John 2:15 So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables.
Hardly an act of sheepish compliance. Jesus wasn't meek, he was a force to be reckoned with. He was a rebel to the established religion of the time.
I say this because as men of God we're called upon to emulate Jesus, but that does not mean to smother someone who doesn't care for you with love. Not at all. Jesus told his disiples this:
Matthew 10:14 If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.
Your W is like those townspeople, she doesn't want to have anything to do with you and she doesn't even want to talk to you other than to work out logistics in the S and D. Your direction as a Christian is not to overwhelm her with kindness, affection and validation, that is just going to make your sitch worse and it also conflicts with DB'ing. Your W told you she doesn't want to share her feelings with you and she told you she wants to keep things "civil", not friendly. So LISTEN to her. Give her what she is asking for. Quit doing what YOU think is "right".
LA's edit is a good one. Go with that! I think she's right that you're trying to manipulate your W into liking you again, heck I tried it too. But it doesn't work. Your W is on her own journey, she'll get there at her own pace. You can't speed her up.
