I am loathe to assign a trigger. Do I think it is when a crisis happens and that person lacks the skills to cope with whatever it is? Sure.
But it also stems from, maybe, the we as well.
By saying this, I am not taking responsibility for the spouse's behaviour at all. Just saying that what they needed was not within easy reach of themselves, nor with us. Instead of looking deeper, it was easier to change the trappings rather than what was inside instead.
I think, though, death triggers a panic mode, where time seems to be escaping and I would be happy if only....or depression...or both.
So I am on the fence a bit, because it seems like an excuse, almost, for the behaviour. But then again, I really have no idea of what goes on during that ride
