The pregnancy/birth of third child. The starting over and feeling like he was getting older, but still had the strong responsibility ties where we couldn't do a lot of things, like traveling. The feeling that he was going to be too old, too committed, and missed too much by the time the kids were old enough to leave.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Without a doubt, her Mom’s death initiated my W’s crises. It was like a switch was flipped. Near instant pulling away from me. 3 months later, the bomb was dropped.
Yesterday was the two year anniversary of Mom’s death. It’s still tough, but for some reason we are both still here.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
W parents sold their house and moved in with us 2010 for the summer.. they are Florida snowbirds and were just spending a few months with us each year.. they came back the spring of 2011.. she got into a huge blow with her mom who called her a selfish B@$%* and wish she was never born.. her parents moved out shortly after that. I would guess that was the trigger of W's MLC. but didn't flip till about 2 months before BD... but looking back could see the changes start after that event no deaths in the family
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
Dec 2010-Oct 2011: H is traveling overseas constantly for his job.
Jan 2011-May 2011: Multiple struggles with stepson and behavior/money issues.
May 2011: Stepson quit job H got for him and takes off in car H purchased for him. SS tells H he never wants to see him again.
July 2011: Severe health issues for MIL. Can barely walk and looks horrible. Wants to die.
Aug 2011: MIL goes into nursing home refuses to take care of herself. H wants her to move in with us. I say it's not a good idea.
Aug 2011: We finally track down SS in Florida and he brings the car back up to WI and he has had an accident and the back end of the car is smashed.
Aug 2011-Oct 2011: Trying to sell damaged car SS drove.
Oct 2011: H sells the damaged car to a young lady who drives it 45 minutes and the engine blows up leaving it totaled. Potential lawsuit and several threats to our safety. H ends up paying her $500 just to go away.
Early Oct 2011: H's favorite aunt dies of cancer. This was very sudden. H never gets to say goodbye. H sweeps emotions under the rug. Another aunt is admitted to the hospital with colon cancer, her prognosis is good. She thrives. Her husband, H's uncle, is diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
Mid Oct - late Jan: H acts distant. Troubled. Doesn't touch me, doesn't talk to me. Starts leaving more and more to visit friends and family without me or the kids.
Late Jan: I go to kiss H and he shoves me away. I notice unusual charges in another city and more "secretive" behavior.
Early Feb: BD
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Not so coincidentally, her life turned to crap when she turned 10; favorite grandfather died when she was 10, parents split sent to live with aunt and uncle.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Initial bomb, S turned same toddler age that X was with first traumatic parental memory.
2nd bomb, return to crisis, X lost both grandmothers (last living grandparents) and S turned age X was when he was moved away from his boyhood home across the country.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Death in the family – H’s Dad who had ALS. Dad’s sister (H’s aunt) died of the same disease two months later. Dad’s death was about 1.5 years before BD.
Some details: 2009 – H’s Dad diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease).
Fall 2010 – we go to visit H’s Dad. He shows a significant deterioration, very hard to watch. H is starting to show more anger, some other strange behavior. Keeps telling everybody that he will not live past 65 or 70 years old based on his family history.
Jan. 2011 – H’s Dad passed away. We went to the funeral. Two months later Dad’s sister died of the same disease. After that H started to show even more strange behavior, like not wanting to do the things he would normally do, being angry at some people, depression. Even his brother told me later that he noticed the difference. He was irritated with me. I thought that it was the stress about his work. He kept talking about his own mortality.
June 2012 – BD. I love you but not in love with you speech… I have not been happy for a couple of years… We need to separate…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
