It's just a moment; This time will pass

[job]

WR,
Tis the season for miracles and reflections. It's the time to pray for those who are very lost.

Your father knows things and he has spoken to you very wisely. Listen to him...leave the door ajar, but continue moving forward.

[Whiterose]

Tis a very holy season Job.

I know my dad speaks wisely.....I'm having a hard time keeping the door open Job. I'm hurt, worse my boys hurt, and I just don't know what to do with all of that or if I can forgive him again. I'm struggling greatly with my love for H.....I need to pray more on that.

[job]

WR,
Forgiveness will come...don't force it. It took me just about 4 years to do so because he was such an @ss those first 4 years. But when it comes, your life will be so different and you will see things more clearly than you ever have before.

Give yourself the gift of time and patience. It will come when you least expect it.

[mj0221]

WR,
You and I are along much the same timeline with BD and I'm also going back and forth with papers. I know I have a hard time with this but do you some days think this is all for the best and I will be better when it will be over or some days think I'm doing this because it's what you want H and hope he wakes up.

I read you recent post about your Dad. I have to remind my Mom all the time all that he has done because she still feels bad for H. My parents adored H

Why do they hit us with such hostility during Christmas?

[job]

mj0221,
Have you read uRWorthy's posting about the hoidays? If not, you should.

I am posting the link here. It will help you better understand why they act out more than usual around the holidays.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2415120#Post2415120

[mj0221]

Job,
No I haven't read that. Thanks for posting the link here. I need it.

[Whiterose]

It's a great post MJ. Take a look. MJ I do find myself thinking it'll be better when it's done and my boys and I deserve a "whole" man that can love me as an adult and respect me thereby showing my boys the true meaning of manhood........I'm guessing a bit of rose coloured glasses too.

Forgiveness will come I just find myself angry right now......haven't felt such anger in a while.

H called the house twice this am. Wanted to confirm plans with S14 for tonight and then called back to ask S19 about the tablet he asked him for. Wanted to know if he had given me a different list. Then told him maybe not now but after a while......oh after you finish getting what you want??? Then I got a text asking if I was getting S19 a tablet for Christmas (oh with all my money!?!) I answered that he had not asked me for one (which is true). SERIOUSLY, this is the 5th conversation between me and him about gifts. I know they forget but this is ridiculous!
Then I said I have a small box of stuff I'll leave it out. H's responds please don't I'm having S14 walk over as I don't want to deal with the snow at (the main intersection between the house and his work). ARE YOU FN KIDDING ME?!?! YOU HAVE A 4 x 4 F350 AND YOU DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THE SNOW?? I couldn't get to work today because you took the vehicle that goes in snow!
I responded with an "ok. But you're bringing him home, right".
He said they're going to a movie now and after that. I didn't respond.

S14 was supposed to be at H's work by 3:30. 3:20 he calls the house. I answered this time. Has S14 left yet?
No, not yet.
Can you get him to bring his phone? I've called a couple of times but I think it's off
I'll remind him.

I'm just frustrated, and tired, , and angry......I don't like it

[Whiterose]

WOW OH WOW (I'm journaling and venting here....I apologize)
After yesterday's messages and phone calls he messaged me WHILE with S14 again about Christmas presents.....

S14 has asked for video game stuff can you please tell what size shirt or sweater he wears and pants Thank you
S19 asked for a tablet or microsoft office for his lap top I cannot afford a tablet he needs for school

I did not respond to either message

At 10 he asks me where the small box of stuff is that S14 is looking for it in the greenhouse (text)
I text back "You said not to leave it out"

Then S14 calls me on his cell to ask where it is.......I asked him to give the phone to his dad.

Me you asked me not to put the box out
H Yeah, but you asked if I was dropping off S14
Me Yes, but you asked me not to put the box out
H I'll send S14 up to get it
Me No, you will not
H Why not?
Me Our sons do not deliver things from this house to you. We've had this conversation You're welcome to come and get it or I'll leave it out for next time
H Why is it OK for you to leave my stuff in the greenhouse
Me You will not come into the property to get your stuff
H I come onto the property all the time
Me You are welcome to come and get it or I'll leave it out for next time
H Why do you get to make those decisions? It was OK for you to ask them to pick out furniture
Me If you were interested in my reasoning for that action you would have called me and not S19 when I told you. I'm not getting an argument with you. You are welcome to come and get it or I'll leave it out for next time

Pretty much the end of the conversation. S14 came inside and I then texted H S14's sizes.

THEN this morning

Does S14 mean hoodie when he says sweater?
(UMMMMM, I don't know.....ask him!) I answered He has a lot of hoodies Maybe he means a sweat top?

Hour later
I cannot afford to buy S19 a tablet and office for students for his lap top.....what do you think will be more helpful for school

I have not responded.
I was thinking something along the lines
"I understand that both can be pricey. He's asked for both so I'm sure whichever one you choose will be appreciated"

Validating and not telling him what to do......thoughts???

[LoisB]

I suggest "elf you."

[Whiterose]

hahahahahaaha Heather......I just sent a text along the lines of what I said.

He called, I answered not knowing it was him, with a cheerful "Hello"
He's all serious and sad, or whatever he is, "is S14 there?"


GAWD he's sooooooo miserable