The rest of the day, His mom goes on and on about how staying in our town limits his job possibilities.
She keeps saying, now is the time to travel, before you have children and before PIB's parents need you near.
I kept responding each time, I want to stay near my parents now. I've travelled all I want to, don't feel the need to anymore.
I also kept responding, Yes, Husband will be limiting his job choices, but since he still has a job, we don't need to be in a hurry to find one. We can wait until he gets a job at the University. It'd be a different story if he was out of a job..but he's not...so it's ok if the job search takes some time.
On and on all day.
Sigh. I told husband I could see why he was so reluctant to tell her. She just would not listen.
I told him I'd had enough...the next time she brought it up again, I was going to tell her, "Mom, I understand where you are coming from, but our decision is final. Let's stop talking about it."
She didn't bring it up again...which is good, cause I was sooo ready to state it bluntly, as trying to be kind and patient and gentle all day hadn't worked.
So, Husband was in the shower, and I was in our room, writing in my 'positives journal'. She came in and puttered around for a bit. Then finally sat on the bed near me and asked me why I felt that my relationship with my parents was so much better now.
So, I started talking about Divorce Busting and the 5 love languages.
I told her that I figured out what my parents love language was and that made such a huge difference in our relationship. I explained to her about how people get stuck in doing the same, thinking they are doing different. That I tend to get stuck talking a problem to death. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. (She laughed loud and hard over that one.)
And she really heard me.
She said, "that this stuff sounds great if the other person is willing to change too. In my case, Ex was an alcoholic and that stuff wouldn't have made a difference."
Now, Michele forgive me, but I agreed with her that in her case, she couldn't have done anything to save her marriage. I mean, My Father-in-law is remarried for 7 years now. So, even if she could have saved her marriage way back when, there's no point in telling her that now. I don't know if his alcoholism is a legitamate excuse or not...
Mom also said somewhere in the conversation that when Husband walked, I was devasted and that gave me the courage to make the changes I needed to make.
I agreed with her assesment and told her that I also went on anti-Dep for awhile and that helped me too. I was quick to tell her that I have been off the meds for about a year now.
And that when I was first dating my husband, I wasn't getting along with my parents and had told her about it. I said, "Looking back on it, I couldn't see how angry I was that I had a horrible relationship with my parents. But my relationship with my parents is so important to me...and now that we are getting along, I don't want to lose it."
I think she finally understood that I was completely committed to staying near my parents in my town.
And I felt like we bonded. I felt like she heard me and respected me.
And wow, that felt really great.
So, then Husband and I went with her to buy some replacement lights at Home Depot. As we were walking around the store, she kept putting her arm around me and asking my opinion on stuff.
So, I think we have a happy ending on that!
Husband and I spent Sunday with his father and youngest brother. We went to see "50 First Dates" with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler.
I was roaring with laughter, that movie was sooo great.
Despite the intense conversations and stuff, husband and I were able to bond over it.
And we both came back feeling like we had a wonderful time.
