I still haven't been able to go back and read my old threads...too much raw pain for me.
I'm so glad they are helping you!
So, I had a wonderful weekend with my husband and his family.
Btw, I've been keeping a positives notebook on paper...that's why I haven't been posting positives.
So, Friday night, Husband and I drove to his mother's house.
His mom greeted me happily. Wonderful baby step!
Made me feel really good.
Saturday, we helped her organize one room. Ok...people...she has carted 30 years worth of 5 sons and an ex-husband along with her throughout several moves. Her bedroom is so cluttered, she can't safely get to her bed. So she sleeps on the living room couch.
Husband and I helped her with the dining room. We threw away 4 huge bags full of stuff. I'm talking the huge lawn bags. So, we made great progress...but man I was so tired after!
Now, let me back up. Friday night, Husband and she were spending time on the computer. She was giving him advice on job searching. Now previously, she had told him to put 'willing to relocate' on his resume. I had asked him about it. He said he just didn't want to argue with her and just said 'ok'.
Now from the begining, I've done my best to make it clear to husband that this town feels like home to me. I'm getting along really well with my parents who live 6 minutes away from our home. For the past 12 years, I've lived in one place for 3 years at the most...and I'm ready to settle down and stop moving all over.
I've told husband on numerous occasions that I intend to buy our house from my parents and raise any kids we may have, in our town.
So, the reason I tried to make this so clear to Husband is because he likes the idea of moving every so often. He's like his mom in that way.
In fact, I was telling him straight out that I was in my town to stay, before he even moved in with me!
Ok...so getting back to Friday night. I heard him and his mom talking about applying for different jobs in different states.
Y'all would be so proud of me. I kept telling myself that he's just avoiding conflict and humoring her. I kept myself from exploding or having a panic attack.
So, Saturday comes along and Husband's Mom has a friend join us for breakfast.
The friend asks Husband if he is willing to locate. So, the moment of truth. Will he say in front of his mom that he's staying with me?
He looks me in the eye and then tells friend that he's not willing to relocate. Friend says well, there's some great jobs that you can get if you are willing. If you are interested give me your resume.
Husband says, "Great! I shall."
Actions and words not matching up.
I'm begining to panic.
I pull him aside.
A very long intense conversation ensues.
I tell him that I've made it as clear as I possibly can. I'm not willing to relocate. If he wants to take a high paying job elsewhere...that's wonderful for him. But I won't be going with him.
He asks, "If I get a high-paying job and you don't have to work, you won't come with me?"
Now the old, PIB would have said, absolutely, husband I'll follow you anywhere.
The new me, still found it difficult, but I said, "Husband, please hear me. I am not trying to invalidate all the hard work and effort you've put into our relationship. However, I will not allow myself to be in a position like I was before when you walked. I don't think you will walk again, but I CAN NOT take that chance. For my own sake, I need to keep my job and keep working towards financial independence."
Folks, the look on his face broke my heart. I was not able to find a delicate way to state it. I'm not sure if there is a non-hurtful way to say it.
He started putting on his coat...and I thought he was fleeing from me and what I'd said. So, I started backing away.
He asked me to join him outside so that we could continue to talk.
I did.
He said he understood where I was coming from. He told me that he wasn't going to walk again. That he was looking at these other jobs to gather information. That he wasn't planning on taking any job away from me.
I told him that I wanted him to stand up for me and tell his mom and everyone else in the world that he's committed to me and staying with me.
He kept saying it was none of her business.
I tried to explain how much it meant to me that he stand up and publicly state that he was committed to me. He couldn't understand or I couldn't explain it clearly enough. I'm not sure which.
In any case, as for the job applications. I told him that it was like him going to a bar and getting phone numbers from girls. And then him telling me that he had no intention of calling any of them...he was just gathering information.
He said that was a great analogy and that he understood where I was coming from.
And then his mom joined us. And he said, "Hey mom...I wanted to tell you that I have no intention of taking a job elsewhere. I'm staying with PIB in our town and getting a job there."
I told him he was my hero.
This post is getting long, so, I'll continue with next post.
