DIG DEEP DIG ON

[job]

I'm very glad that you reached out to your parents. Your father's words meant a lot to you and he didn't hesitate to wire you the money. He knows exactly what you are going through and even though you've not had much, if any contact w/him over the years, you are still his little girl. Lean on him when you need to. He's your father and the same would apply to your mother. She also knows what you are going through.

I agree w/your lawyer, file now and seeking retro alimony. Why would you feel dirty about that? After all, look at what he's been doing to you and you only just discovered in the last few weeks some of the things that he's been doing. For one thing, I do not think for one minute that he forgot about those things in his car. In his passive way, he knew you'd most likely use his car and he left those items in there for you to find. He didn't care. When you didn't confront him about them, he began to feel very uneasy about coming around you and Thanksgiving put the toping on his cake of guilt and he had to finally tell you how he felts. No, you should not ever feel dirty. You are an upstanding woman who loves deeply and cares about everyone.

I think it's good that you have tentative plans to go in and try out the new place of employment. It will give you something else to think about and to see if this is really what you want right now. About the hours, you'll get use to them and you may just find that you enjoy going in early and having time to do something else later in the day while others are still working away.

I'm also glad to read that you've postponed your meeting w/your lawyer. This will give you time to settle down and put your thoughts on paper so that you will have talking points. Jot down your questions to ask her. She's use to people being emotional, but the bottom line is to get what is rightfully yours. If you don't agree on something she suggests, tell her. After all, you are paying her to do a job for you.

As for health insurance, now is a good time to begin shopping around to see what's available. Don't put off getting health insurance. You may be healthy at this time, but you don't know what tomorrow will bring. The stress of what you are and will continue to go through for a long time can do all sorts of things to the body and mind. Health insurance is a number one priority in my books.

Ambivalent, no matter how dark the cloud looks now, there is a silver lining in it and some of that lining has been exposed to you in just a few short hours. You are going to be okay. You just have to get thru the difficult period of accepting that the old marriage is over and that there are certain things that have to be done, you'll find some of the stress will be removed.

Again, I'm very glad you reached out to your parents. Don't be afraid to do so again.