It was the best of times it was the worst of times

[KdogGS]

This is what I've come up with as a reply. I tried to validate as much as I could, let me know if anything is sour/ugly!

"Hello W,

I understand that you do not feel it is appropriate nor can think of an appropriate manner to share your feelings with me at this time. I appreciate your commitment to continue discuss these matters in a civil manner moving forward. If at any time in the future you do think of an appropriate manner, or feel like sharing your feelings with me or towards me, I want you to feel free to do so without fear of repercussions. I will just listen or read.

I am really sorry to hear about the car dying on you. I promise that I had no issues with it during the 3+ months that I had it after the battery dying on September 9th (thank you again for replacing it that same day) and no indication before I gave it back to you that anything was potentially wrong with it other than the age and mileage. I am relieved that you are safe, and hopefully were in a good area and location for it to happen. I am also glad you were able to have someone come meet you and help out. I did see the claim on my homepage, so I'm glad you were still well insured. Our insurance covers a rental car up to $30 a day, I hope you take advantage of that. I also understand that after a really long day at work, that is a very terrifying and extremely frustrating experience. Again, I am sorry that it broke down on you. I understand that finding a new vehicle will add to your list of expenses, I hope you find something that works for you and is reliable.

As far as focusing on the numbers, I am trying to do that because I think that numbers are not emotional. I am trying to leave as much emotion out of figuring all of this out as I can. I feel that is the fairest way to do things. What are your thoughts on that? I want to make sure we are on the same page regarding the best way to divide things fairly.

Regarding the house- when you say " Selling the house right now would be a wash (any profit going towards closing costs and realtors)." can you give me your breakdown and thought process on what that means to you? I want to make sure I understand what you mean there, I was under the impression there would be a minimum of $20k to a max of $40k depending on selling price in equity leftover after all closing costs and such.

What I think I hear you saying is that you are assuming I want to keep all of my retirement funds? I have no problem splitting my retirement accounts to give you what portion was earned during our marriage, especially since as you noted, I was able to do so in part due to your income. I checked with Vanguard, and the best way to divide IRA's due to divorce is to have a QDRO put into the divorce decree outlining which IRA account funds are coming from and which account they are going to. This negates any tax event that would otherwise result in an IRA distribution. I understand you think me keeping all retirement funds will leave me better off financially, and thanks for thinking of me in that regard. I slightly disagree that it will leave me off better financially to keep my retirement funds and take none of my share of the home equity. I would have no cash readily available, so we will need to discuss this further to come up with a solution agreeable to all.

Regarding the living arrangements, thank you for being so hospitable. We will most likely need to figure out how the equity of the house shakes out before you can decide on refinancing. I am also under the impression that someone's name cannot be removed from the deed/mortgage or refinanced, unless it is stated in the divorce decree. So neither of us would be able to refinance the house until after that time. Please correct me if you have a different understanding. Have you already started the refinance process? If so, we should probably start discussing how to divide the equity so you can get accurate estimates of the costs associated with home ownership.

Thank you for getting copies of the dental receipts, I appreciate that and will need them as tax time steadily approaches.

Also, a letter arrived addressed to both of us from Mr. Hughes. He addressed it to our old CA address. I have not opened it as I figure it is for you. It is in the garage on the gray tote, feel free to pick it up at your leisure.

I did end up talking to Charlie one evening, and he mentioned that the day you picked up the mail, he wasn't sure it was you. He did not recognize you since he only talked to you the couple of times, he said you looked different than before. He said that is why he was watching you. I did not tell him you felt uncomfortable or anything, just said you might be stopping by occasionally to get mail.

Respectfully,
H"


Feedback?