Well, I cant tell you what your thinking when your making those offers to be honest?
Are you doing it cause you'll take any interaction you get? you just cant detach? your having a hard time with the fear of the future?
The way it reads a bit is, you keep making these offers for dinner, he keeps accepting them, they are not a 180 for you, you've always made him dinner, you tell him its ok to take naps in your home (he no longer lives there anymore right?), your afraid that going dim is going to allow him to just forget about you and your 19 years together.
Then you finish it up with a story about sex, and a little hope cause he gave you a kiss when he wasn't drunk.
I'm not here to tell you what to do, I'm hoping your being honest with yourself. Why are you doing those things? Right now, there is NOTHING to miss about you. He can sleep over when he wants, eats dinner when he wants.
Those are all fine, if you understand why YOU are doing them. If you truly think those things are helping, then keep doing them. Your not really following many of the 37 rules (some you've thrown out the window), I don't really see many 180's. You never talk about what your doing for you?
Its the holidays, you miss your husband, you have no say in whats happening right now, your trying to keep yourself in the game. I get it, really I do. I'm certainly not here to tell your doing it right or wrong?
I'm not her to judge you, just trying to point out some of the interactions, the expectations, the anger, the lack of control, the fear you seem to be dealing with within yourself.
I know you want your marriage to work, is what your doing helping that, is it helping you, are you growing at all, do you take too much hope out of every interaction? I don't know???
Are you looking for people to just agree with you? Are you really looking for advice, are you just going to do it your way anyways? Do you use the site to really just journal? What are YOUR goals, what do you want to change, do you think you need to? Are you just holding on for dear life, and hopes it works out AGAIN? Its all going to start with some soul searching, questions you really need to ask yourself.
