I was away for a day or so but I am feeling much better. I apoligize in advance for this rambling post. I met my hours at work so that is a big stress relief for the rest of the year. Now I can pretty much work part time through the holidays. So excited!
I had a minor surgical procedure yesterday that I guess I was more nervous about than I thought. Also a huge relief to have that over with. It was weird to not have H there with me. My mom came along and helped with the kiddos after. H cant drive on Thursday and I just really needed to do it on my own. Another step to make me feel stronger even if I am alone. My mom stayed the night and it was awesome to have another adult to hang out with after the kids went to sleep. We just watched tv and chatted. It has been so long since H moved (and checked out before BD) that I forgot what it was like. I had a great night and got a good night sleep thanks in part to some lovely pain meds.
I found out over the weekend that my H's team at work that he killed himself building over the past two years may fall apart. H was an a call when we were on an iuting together with the kids this weekend. This is the team that caused him to work everyday for a year and to neglect being a dad/husband. The OW also works on the team, although of course he is the only person not threatening to leave. H realized that he had been operating the team at a loss so he told everyone that is would be charging a certain amount so that each team members expenses were covered. He would not be making a profit just getting closer to breaking even. Everyone, except OW, is threatening to leave and being vicious in the process.
My H loves his work and honestly I am proud of him. It makes me sad to see people that he has seriously bent over backward for be so petty and mean. I sent h a sort email saying that I am sorry that he has to go through this because he does not deserve it. H claimed I was not supportive in the past so I wanted him to know that I thought it $ucked and hoope things improved soon.
My H is so consumed by his work and committed to it that he does not realize that business is a cut throat thing where everyone is out for themselves. Despite the fact that he helped everyone on his team triple their business this past year all his hard work may be gone. It worries me that this may put him into an even darker place. I know that I can't fix it and this is for him to deal with, but is makes me sad because I do still care about him. It just [censored] to think that he may have thrown away his W and broken our family for his team that may also be gone. Especially because I know that H knows I would have had his back in life no matter what.
On another random note, h has been noticing that I have been more selective in responding to his texts/emails. Honestly I have been so busy that I am just not getting a chance to respond. He asked me about it the other day and I said I had just been slammed with work and the kids which was true. I am working on finding a good balance between making H annoyed and holding my boundary.
