Im doing cartwheels for you!! Very proud of how you handled yourself and said what needed to be said.
Hold your ground.
Inspite the fact that I too have stood up for myself recently, and need to repeat from time to time. I feel better for myself and am no longer HIS carpet or punching bag. Although he still tries to keep me in those positions, I do not. I have gained self respect. I also think its high time that he sees that I respect myself too.
We have enabled these "boys" for far too long. We are both kind & compassionate women and didn't want "them" to "hurt". We put them first. Ultimately, it got us nowhere. Hasn't it? We have learned our valuable lesson and its now that we must hold strong...for ourselves, for our dignity.
We are now sending a clear message.... this is where we take back OUR control.
High five !!!
Magic!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
i'm just wodering here what is viewed as acceptible , in public, way to "nip in the bud" rude behavior. having been the unluicky recipient a few times in life- i always shy away from rude response or going toe to toe in public. it's awful for everyone around you-
sooo- really- what would thatlook like. i'm not being a wiseguy if you have a good tip for how to discreetly tell them to get stuffed - i'd like to kow. - when it happened i'm soooo surprised , and it's soo out of the blue- & embarassing-
i just act like it's not there- let world off the hook rather than have to feel their pity for me and loathing of him any more than it already is there.
strategy being sought- or actual words - i'm never "ready" or "up[ to" dealing with it in public
i even think the couple times he is totally uaware of what a giant jacka$$ he is making of himself and bet yhou five minutes out of the store he would deny he even was rude - possibly even be surpriosed-
self awareness seems to be out of the question . (well, i'm hearkening back to awhile ago- things have been smooth- bujt the memory is warm. i assume it may happen again any day- life waiting for other shoe to drop (mind or his)
just blipping back onto radar screen. i hope things are going okay at home- and i'm sorry you're feeling soooo blue. BUT TAKE greathope from your comment of "feling relief" also. yay.
i'm wih whoever said find a corner and cry. it just happens. i can think of a few voice cracking , embarassing times when i was somewhere (drs office, etc) and just it all spilling over-
tough nuts to the world. i think people may understand and besides who does really care what the heck others think of ya? you're a ncie person in a sad mess- if they like you and are your buds, they'll have nothing but compassion & fellow-feeling.
if they are jerks - maybe not. but them, who cares about the jerks anyway? they're always looking for "the down side" of anything and everyone.
you sound good with this - it's a tough tough thing to stand up and just say it. must have been your rite time for it to happen.
funny that looking at your sitch &life- i'm thinking your h will really have a rude awakening in store when he realizes he is without you in his life. (i even think it in my lie- but you KNOW ALLLllll my neurosis, reasons, bnlah blah blah). it's that rod of steel and then some -
i'd have guessed the "before christmas" question was him just testing the waters and your resolve -
like he cant resist trying to touch the hot burner one more time- you know, how we do something to se if it still hurts or not- i know it doesn't seem to make sense. but i'm just sayin- that is what it seems like. he keeps heaping soething on to see what you do about it- kind of thing. what the heck it is, (REALLY) i can't imagine.
good luck with it- i hope it doesn't get you down toooo much- your inner self has spoken- she's had it - you can sit around and admire your strength and self-preservation. you don't deserved any of it- he's got some real nutty junk going on inside for sure- BUT - treating another hujman being so badly isn't acciptible either- so yay you for protecting yourself from it.
we're bak in nj- okay drive (one small tiff - he got enraged over a comment i made about a mutual friend- someone whose wife walked out on him and kids five or ten years ago- mlc for sure!!! ) i was talking about the gyy- and h said this guy friend was going on trip to visit son & surprse -= his ex wife was going with him. i said"maybe they're getting back together" (thieir eldest daughtr died in a car crash this past year- an awful tragedy) - he said "you haven't heard what he says about her" - i said "you don't believe he'd fess up to you about missing her - caring about her? do you" - (guys posturing for each other) - well- apparently i, mere woman, am not entitled to that opinion. was it soo rude of me??? i wasn't mad inside- he apparently was in a rage- i thought we werejust having a casual "wrangle" - he is a lawyer and seems to me everything in the world is a "wrangle". i like vanilla, e likes chocolae- can he really not see that everytyhing out of his mouth is contrary & designed to "get someone going".???? see what i mean about no self awareness??????
i have admiration for your standing up and saying stop...i think i too am coming to accept that h does not love me in any kind of way i believe love to be. (oh man- see, i still want to type "thinks he does not love me". i think i am a blockhead and - headstrong to a point of insanity about what i think- maybe i do not let my own brain allow the other person have their own "way" i also want to say your H 'THINks" he doesn'tlove you. i donot know how long or really if they ever really do realize it when we're gone from theirlives. i do think so- will they act on that? idk really. it's sad business. i think you're rite about this- and i am wrong to continue to drag my feet - laziness about facing "it all". oh well scarlet- tomorrow???
i am, as usual, confused . mixed signs. pleasant treatment for quite awhile now- but (i'm pretty sure) still involved via computer & visits with ow) (i'll think this til told otherwise- don't think i'll ever hear it). i think he'll piddle around til i die - or he does- and either i'll suck it up or blow dodge- now where did i put that lottery ticket - dreammmmm onnnnnnn
oh cr@p...
xxoo ((( ))) hope your day is okay- so, didja get the tree up- despite it all??? are you going thru the motions - does ithelp? got any pma? - areyou okay a bit with it in your mind? be very glad to be guy in the "gotta good jobn" seat- i know it would have been a very different me dealing with this 20 years ago- funny to be honest with self aobut whati am & what have become - (too attached? lazy/? nuts?) oh well i don't even feel remorse for what and who i am- i'm so tired of criticism- today i still like me and think i may be nice guy- sooomuch to do around here (take away halloween decorations? ) i'm not pausing to figure out anything in the world- now if i could just sleep-
we gotta sleep- i keep reading how much lack of sleep contributes to brain problwems, alzheimers, etc. --eeeeek - who needs more to worry aobut anyway?
tra la i just do not care asmuch anymore- just when i probably should care more- no juice left thanks.... hang on...
