Sorting it All Out

[reachingHigher]

Hi everyone!

Such interesting analogies, thank you, job, AJ and tiger with thoughts with the presents, wrapping and gift. I absolutely love it and carried that with me this weekend.

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Before the party:

H took me shopping at an outlet mall and bought me a black leather coat! My first one ever! I am SO pleased! Well, he bought himself one too!

At the crowded store, there was another lady shopper looking at the gloves at the same time as me. H came over and said to me, what else do you want? Look around and see if there is anything else. Everything is on sale..

I looked at the lady after he left and said, isn't he nice? She said, he sure is! I wish he was mine!

The party:

The party last evening was a huge success! It was a fun party, maybe 10 people there, and H & I stayed for five hours.

I was happy with who I was at the party. I felt much more accepted as part of the group, and much less needing to be accepted as part of this group any more. It doesn't really mean much to me like it used to when I wanted so much to be incuded. I was just there, having a fun time.

There was only one catty/comment or put down said to me directly and I just turned it around to a lovely compliment to the girl!

Sexy Lady was very cool to me and H when we arrived but warmed up later to both of us. Even Cookout Girl acted like she and I had been friends for years, lol! She kept putting H down in front of me like he was a dog, but I knew it was just b/c she has issues. Lots of issues. But she was warm and very friendly to me.

We each brought an ornament for the host's tree and it was s'posed to "reflect ourselves". I immediately thought of a mirror but decided not to get that, lol!

I chose an ornament of a silhouetted country home in the snow that you could insert a light from the Christmas tree light string to backlight it. Each person stood and showed their ornament and explained why they picked it and then hung it on the tree. I said mine was b/c I liked all things about home and I love living in the country. I thought the ritual was a great idea!

Everybody loved and commented on the cookies I made and brought. I said H helped b/c he unwrapped the Hershey kisses, lol!

I did some group dancing with the girls.

H was truly the life of the party! He was funny, very handsome, wore a Santa hat the whole time, and had the best body of any man there. 'Course I drove the Mustang home and you can guess why! He went back to bed this morning and is sleeping now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I feel good about myself, about this coming week, about my study for my new career, my M, my children, my home.

I feel like I am where I am s'posed to be and feel a real sense of peace and contentment.

Thank you to everyone here for helping me get through this!

[ForeverYoung]

Thanks for the update RH, it sounds like you did well at your party.

One question: Did you and H do the party thing before BD, or is it a new thing for you? Is it something you enjoy doing? Just wondering.

[reachingHigher]

Party is a new thing for the two of us.

H did a lot of this type of party as a late teen. I was never the party type. I enjoy it somewhat, but wouldn't want to do that more than once a month. I much prefer the dinner theater we did with another couple Thursday.

But I remembered my H wanted me to do more things with him that he enjoys and he wants to do more things with me that I enjoy, so I went for his sake really, and ended up having a great time.

I see a side of him at these parties that I never see anywhere else. It is something he hid during MLC and didn't want to share with me. So I am accepting all of who he is, and enjoying the new depth to our R. Also, I am seeing that I don't have to be like him to enjoy who he is. I preserve who I am.

[job]

rH,
I'm glad you had a nice time last evening and your beautiful self was shining throughout the evening. Bravo!

You are still growing and you are learning something about yourself each and every day...you are learning to like the new and improved rH. The changes you made were for yourself, not just to get your h back and that's where you must remember to follow through and not fall back into old habits. The new year is coming fast and w/that, new promises, goals and adventures for one and all!

I'm very proud of you!

[Ambivalent]

Still curious about the drinking. Was he always a drinker? Did he always get intoxicated? Is this new? Can he drink and not get buzzed?

[reachingHigher]

Hi Ambiv!

I still haven't figured the drinking out myself. I think my H didn't touch a drop till he was 18. Then a few years of heavy drinking and partying.

Then light drinking...he was late twenties when we got together. We drank a bottle or two of wine a week. No hard liquor for a few years.

Then 8 years or so of zero liquor. Either one of us.

Now this.

I still feel its the tapering off of MLC. H acted in many ways like a teenager last night. It's something he has to go through. I have a gut feeling it won't always be this way ... he will grow out of it. He will have to decide when, not me.

I haven't kept up on your sitch enuf, Ambiv, is drinking a problem with hubby?

[reachingHigher]

Forgot to make a personal note about today.

I told my H I was going to walk around our pond just before sunset. Just before I got ready to go, he got his boots on and said he wanted to go with me.

We walked around our property, arm linked in arm. We looked at little special things -- where it looked like a hawk or owl had captured a mouse, raccoon tracks and which trees the beaver was damaging at the pond!

We each shared with the other where our faiths and beliefs are spiritually. I felt really close to H and it feels so special.

And...he got a nice note tonight.

Boys feel like they are missing out on naughty-or-nice notes so they each got one tonight also!

[Ambivalent]

Hi Reaching!

Not that I know of. Never has been. He was always the everything in moderation guy. He could be partying with others, I don't know. I'm charting now, he hasn't been in contact for eleven days. This is the longest he's gone without a touch and go.

I'm trying to let go and just observe, see patterns, learn, grow, and not cycle.

My focus is on school project, interviews, getting through Christmas, take finals, and then register for state exams. I think once that's done, I can be content with what I've accomplished.

I cannot do anything about his replay, how he's choosing to live, and the separation.

I believe things will get worse , because the money is tight. Perhaps he is spending on replay activities, and it is all catching up to him. This may cause more stress and pressure. I noticed he bounced the mortgage check . I have in the past photographed the notice and texted but I'm not this time. I know he banks online.

I'm facing my fears. I'm boldly going where I have not gone before. I am not going to fear his tantrums or jump through hoops. I'm going to make a game plan, and then try to stick to it.

I know where my mistakes were made, what I can do to rectify so I don't repeat them. With anyone! I have some work to go, for what habits or behaviors I have have been with me for quite awhile!

I have my daughters to practice with, and share some insights, so they too can grow and relate in a healthier way. I'm going to try not to think about what will happen in the future. I need to live in the now, and hopefully when I get more stable and situated I will feel better little by little.

[reachingHigher]

Just a happy little note...I took my real estate exam from the school again today. I needed an 85% to pass and I got an 85 1/2 % !!! God heard job's prayers

I now make arrangements to take the state exam and need a 75% to pass.

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H & I have been very relaxed with one another. Enjoying our M.

I wanted to talk to him about some non-R issues yesterday.

We had just looked at a WSJ article on how men and women relate differently. Basically it suggested women abbreviate long stories and prepare bullet points. Men should listen without interrupting and give advice if asked.

H & I tried this with one another. It went really well.

There is a high degree of contentment right now between the two of us.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I didn't realize how much validation gets in your blood.

Yesterday, H came home with a new haircut. I asked him if he went to a new shop or the old one. I didn't ask when or where. Then I asked how he liked the haircut.

A few hours later he asked me if I liked it. I still hadn't said. Not intentionally; I'm just not used to blaring out my opinion any more. I said, I commented on it. He said, Yes, but you didn't say if YOU liked it or not.

I thought that was interesting. DB has taught me a whole new way of relating and thinking. Letting people be who they want to be. Letting me be who I want to be.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Years ago, when H was starting replay, one night we were lying in bed whispering to one another. He told me that the IC had said that if he becomes who he wants to be, and I become who I want to be, and we still can have a R between the two of us that is better than us each being alone, then our M will be good.

At the time, those words scared me to death.

But I think it is happening right now to us.
And....I like it

[Wonka]

rH,

Congrats on passing the exam!! Dancing a happy jig for you. Well done!