What I think that you HAVE gained in all of this, is exactly what you were lacking then...
And that is that now, you know the difference, and you are more cognizant when there is a button pushed, or a trigger pulled...
You didn't have that tool in your box years ago...
Knowing that something is different, or wrong, and having the ability to work through individual issues, instead of killing the whole thing, and expecting that you know what the future holds....
Expecting that you CAN kill those will drive you to failure quicker than the actual failure will...
You can expect to fail , you cannot predict the future, and know exactly the issues that you will have to deal with...
I think maybe you are having "new" Daddy issues there buddy...
And we have all been through those...
You want to give them everything....and there is nothing wrong with that...
What you will find is...that teaching them to think for themself is the best thing that you can give them...
Grit that is it "should" and "must" words are absolutes. Those works will cause u problems. What you are doing is called negative thinking due to irrational beliefs. The belief that you have to achieve otherwise you are no good. Is that a rational way to live? When you think in either or ways it takes away choices. We can never achieve perfection.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
It sounds really corny but I think there is a little boy inside my head still that doesn't feel like he is.
I think it is incredible that as I endeavor to be the best father to my new family that it is helping me tackle the biggest question in my life.
It is almost like I am reparenting myself.
F@cking weird!
Weird. I feel like its not reparenting as much as it is rewiring or taking ourselves off autopilot. The programming that we have been given by our parents and others is what sets our course. We have become "aware" at this point. It has become our decision to rechart that course. Disengage autopilot and start flying our own plane.
Nothing about what you've said feels corny. In my shoes, it feels very real. I'm discovering a boy that never was loved or validated the way he needed to be. He was loved, but not the way he needed it. He became a man that didn't know how to communicate his love needs. He became a man that found that approval and worthiness at work and other places. I never felt worthy in my M and didn't know how to communicate it to W.
Reprogramming, rewiring, reparenting. Filling up life's toolbox. Picking up new skills. That's the work.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
By not saving them every time they get stuck or are on the verge of making a mistake. I hesitate to call it failure because even tho we may fail at things, we are not failures.
If you never fail at anything, you've never tried anything new.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
True, I have felt as you have. Deep into my soul. Not good enough, not worthy. Heard it my whole life from my mother and my xh.
I have written about my mirrors. The ones I had were from broken people, so what they reflected back was broken, too.
So, I needed to get new ones. I watched how people reacted to me. Felt how people felt about me. Put myself out there more in order to do that, to get that.
And then I worked on the most important mirror. My own. I decided what I needed to see in order to feel worthy, whole, loved, enough.
I needed to see and feek that I was a good person, that I lived a worthy life. I needed to know that I was a good mother, a good sister, aunt, friend. I knew I wanted to act with dignity and grace and that I had the traits I needed in order to do that.
I know that my mother and my h were wrong about me. I know that because of what I see reflected back to me - in people's words and actions and hearts.
True, I know how much you want to be a great dad. I know how big your heart is, how hard you worked, how much you care.
So, shine up your own mirror, T, and see what everyone else sees.
Wow, this is getting deep but gets to the center of everything.
How do we not let fear guide us?
How do we listen to our soul and not our ego?
what is success?
All these questions are important. Over the last 10 years I came up with this saying. " livin the answers"
The answers come to me over time. Not on my time, not on other people's time but on the exact time it takes.
This is not an easy journey we take but....... given enough quiet time we begin to see little by little that it can help us be better. By better I mean more excepting that this journey is not about a destination but a living, breathing entity which we are the main character.
We have control over only our attitude, really nothing more. And........attitude can make all the difference.
Love yourself.....perfectly said uRworthly because ultimately we as LBS have to....need to and that makes our journey all the special to us.