Originally Posted By: AJM

If you're setting an unrealistic goal, where did you get that goal, TG? Who would think less of you if you didn't achieve it?



I have been thinking about this hard.

The goal definitely came from inside me. It is based on proving my worth. If I don't achieve I am not worthy.

Who will think less of me is me...

Why?

This is how I have been wired since I can remember. My achievement meant approval=worthy=loved

And

So it goes the opposite is true.

I do engage in negative thoughts because of this. It feels futile at times and as I have said exhausting.

This voice in my head that drives me and criticizes me. Convinces me that if I don't succeed the world will crumble.

So the advice here is that I need to reframe my world. The people I care about wouldn't judge me for my failures and love me unconditionally ...

That is new.

Now

I need to learn to love myself unconditionally.

The monster here is not some boogey man that hops out from some unknown hiding place.

It's the guy in the mirror isn't it?

I guess I could get caught up in figuring out where,when and why I adopted this survival strategy of driving myself to achieve

I am not sure my energy needs to be wasted going down that rabbit hole.

So here is a question:

How do you know you are loved?

This came up recently and I have my answer but I would like to hear some others.

Then I will share mine.

My plan from here is to show myself as I do those I love, that I am loved.

It sounds really corny but I think there is a little boy inside my head still that doesn't feel like he is.

I think it is incredible that as I endeavor to be the best father to my new family that it is helping me tackle the biggest question in my life.

It is almost like I am reparenting myself.

F@cking weird!

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am