With the kids, I meant that if I initiate a conversation with her about the OM and during that conversation a crisis is precipitated and she wants to leave with the kids, what are my rights as a father so she doesn't take them - for example to her sibling's house 300 miles away? Or fly them to another country?
Could I instead refuse to allow her to take them from the home? Is it better to let her take them if she insists, and then pursue some kind of legal solution?
You need a L. But if all you want is information, why are you thinking that she might take the kids?
If the level of communication she's had is unacceptable to you to the point you need to do this I would say you are done. But no one but you really knows what's in your heart.
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what do I do about the lying and the coldness, and the daily posturing on her end as if this crisis is all about my failings and nothing about her?
Why do you need to do anything about it? She's not a recalcitrant child who needs corrected. That's why I posit that you're having a lot of feelings, some that are making you want to get a little revenge maybe.
From what you say, you only want to work on the marriage if you have a guarantee that she'll come around. She's a woman who wants out of the marriage.
So let her go.
Marriages usually don't break on their own, both parties have a hand in it.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
