Mach: I am an internal processor by nature. Hiding? Not really. It is just who I am...think things through and work through my emotions privately. When I am deeply affected by something, I tend to do one of the two things: 1) Shut down and push it/her/him far away at arm's length 2) Take a dive into the deep ocean that's Wonka. There's no between for me.
I am much the same way...
I collect information, then I retreat into my own little comfort zone where I sort it all out in little piles of this and that. Dark goes here, and the whites go here, the earth-tone goes over there, etc.
To many, it would appear that I am hiding. That is not what is happening though....
And I am sure you can attest..
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Goals? Repair the damage done to Ms. Wonka by my MLC. Make it right. Fix it. Ending? It would be nice to have some semblance of friendship with Ms. Wonka. Yes, I am fully cognizant that things will never be the same between us. We were really, really good friends. That is something I believe both of us miss in each other.
What does having a friendship mean to you ???
Does it relieve the guilt ?
Does it validate all that you have been through ???
You say that you were really good friends , and I get that. I had some really great friends from Kindergarten too , yet we grew apart over time.
People come in and out of our lives for a reason, and maybe only for a season. Their purpose isn't always known to us...
Yet they are there, and they play a vital role in our growth and personal development. The reason isn't always known to us until the greater plan is revealed....much later.
Maybe, just maybe....Ms Wonka's purpose in YOUR life, was to deliver you to your crisis ???
And when/if you can accept that, there are great things ahead for you....
Hmmm....
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Move on? I've moved on in my head. To a certain extent, our former spouses will always have a tenterhook lodged in our hearts. I think that's something we need to acknowledge and recognize ourselves. That is if we are truly, truly honest with ourselves. I've dated over the years and I do sincerely believe that I will find 'The One' once again.
I have been Divorced now for over 3 years, and I am in a relationship with a very wonderful woman that loves me, as do I her....very much
Life has moved forward, and on for me.
Yet, everyday....I STILL live my vows to my Ex, for what we had, and what we lived....
I still love her, yet in a very different way...and a part of me will always love her...
I still honor her, by honoring her wishes to live a different life from me.
I still cherish her, by cherishing the memories that we had together.
My head knows this, and so does my heart, because they are in the same place, and there is room for everyone.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Guilt? Most certainly. It tells me that I have feelings and do have remorse for my role in the breakup. If there's no guilt, then something is wrong with me! In the early part of my sitch, it was quite heavy and it certainly weighted heavily on me. Now it has lessened to a large degree. This is a nice segue to forgiveness. Self-forgiveness? I think this is a life-long process. It is not a one fell swoop thing and you shout out from the rooftop "Hey, you are fully forgiven!! Let's party". To a large degree, I've forgiven myself for being human and trying my best. However, I do now see what I did to Ms. Wonka is not A-okay. See the difference? Pride? Not really. I have always respected Ms. Wonka's space and her 'relationship' with the OW. I still want to be respectful to Ms. Wonka as she's carved her own life with her family around her, with her job, and her community. It is self-awareness on my part not to intrude in her life uninvited.
I do see the difference between it all, and that it isn't okay....
I also know that forgiveness has zero to do with Ms Wonka. And that it shouldn't be screamed, it should just be lived.
What I also see, is that there is something lacking in all of this. That maybe what you have went through, and what she went through, and what is learned and what is gained....there is still the final piece to this puzzle...
I don't see any Peace here ^^^
Like everything that happened, was all in vain for you..
Are you at peace ?
Working towards peace ??
Who would benefit the most from this elusive 'closure' ?
Just some things to chew on a bit...
And know this....
If you didn't feel these things, and ponder these things, I would be more worried about it...
