DIG DEEP DIG ON

[Ambivalent]

Job,

The one I spoke with will push for divorce due to abandonment, and that I am not on a joint account or have cc's.

She said if she doesn't "make him feel the pressure" he will drag this out.

I am confused here...is there a difference between her creating pressure, and me creating pressure? The whole " pressure is not good for them... I do understand the difference between natural consequences and logical consequences.



She says if she doesn't sue, then I won't get what I am supposed to.


Okay now, this is because of mortgage. I am trying to hear what everyone is saying.

Don't respond with too much, keep it business, here is a dilemma that is immediately facing me.


On one hand , he wrote in the past to check with a lawyer. He knows that I have no funds, so the one I am going to see at three wants up300+ dollars just for consult.

Also, I said I have no money and explained the situation. She said to make it count...well there are many accts. One he uses for mortg. , this one, the ones he has with daughters...

Now my fear is once that is done, he may or may not retaliate and not put money into the acct. that he allows me to sign his name under.

She also wants 5,000. to retain and proceed. Because of the mortgage, I'm in a bind. He mentioned the mortgage atty. " buying time ".

Yes, I have verbal consent and a pattern of history for this consent.

Also, when it comes to just the Christmas side of this, him saying he's going to give money to our daughters, this leaves me without the ability to purchase something for them. Everything in the past was from us both.

I would like to address this and be part of this while being civil and respectful.

I am at a juncture, and do not want to screw this up.

I have not acted nor responded yet to anything. But realize this can be a pivotal moment.

I can see in his e-mail, that he is thinking aloud to himself. That he cannot see options nor his contradictions. I do see the "script". I see that he feels like he has no other choices and because of this he has to "go to the next level" It seems to be causing him angst. In the past I have shown him other options, and that he does allow me to "influence" him. The last example was that we managed to go to daughter's parent's day event, we've been out together and lived...so he came to Thanksgiving.

He is fighting his feelings and his feelings for me...

I am trying to "trust the process". I also know that the money issues are due to not facing reality and him wanting to please , in the past.

Many times he thought he was " making me happy ". So he didn't want to deny, also I believe because he made choices for himself, he felt the need to be fair with the pleasing.

This has gotten him into a huge monetary mess. I know his judgment is WAAAY off. I tend to have the right gut instinct. I know the cost of this mortg. and the upkeep (costs of utilities and maintenance) is high.

I also believe if this house goes, I'm stuck in a rental and at the mercy of landlords and have no opportunity to leave my daughters any possible inheritance.

This house will appreciate in the thirty years (or more) I have left. This area always does.

There is a strong part of me that says DO NOT LET IT GO. It has the possibility to accrue, I have fruits to can and earn at least some Christmas money in the future years. I can take in boarders and I have one room that I can set up my own side business in Esthetics.

The other side says it will be a ton of work, and I don't have an income to date, what if something happens and I can not fix it? Such as roof, or another limb falls on the house. He loses his job and finances abruptly stop. He has a breakdown and stops functioning ( no history ) but a human possibility.
I'm 53...now don't get me wrong my grandmother (one of them) lived to 110 years!
I have another part that screams...stop the default and buy more time on this.

So meeting and 300 dollars ...????? I am trying to heed, and step carefully