H had A and the BD in July. Have been since on rollercoaster ride of 'ILYIJNILWY' and 'It's over I'm not seeing her' about 3/4 times. Each of those times started showing signs of looking toward me again but still maintaining we separate. I have mostly maintained my marvelous charm, good looks and positive attitude! DBing at its best I might add (nothing like your own hand pat on the back) I've always been overly positive so you'll need to get use to that.
Anyhow, down to the guts in a sense. The affair has finally ended and its hard to take his word for it but it did get nasty and I was pulled into it. OW turned into a monster and I'm sure H did also but out of it came a whole load of his confessions, feelings, apologies and his admitting everything was on him not me. I'm so used to saying I'm sorry so I said 'thank you - I appreciate you saying that' Our house is full of 'Sorry's, thank you's and 'let me do that for you' amongst other things. So I believe his goggles may be clearing a little.
I'm Still maintaining the rule of no relationship talk and a lot of effort is being made to make Christmas special on both parts, but I have 2 lingering questions/issues. As we have been living under the same roof with the agreement of no 3rd parties for either of us (me thinking it was over with OW) I have since found out that he was lying and crossing the line but is now exploded with everything I wanted on my goal list, confessions, complete transparency, consideration. Does he need to leave now as in our agreement of 'crossing the line'??? I'm unsure my position as I don't want to seem spineless and not follow through. But of course its Christmas and I can't do that to the Kids 6, 4, 8ths. I had said we will sort out the mess get through xmas and then assess the 'us and living' sitch.
Also the other thing is now we are almost flirting, having fun and looking forward to seeing each other. I'm scared and unsure how to act with - to much effort, not enough effort, just the right amount with the obvious above issue.
These 2 things all seem to contradict each other. And there is the obvious part of expecting him to be all dreary over the R ending with OW but because it was such a bad drawn out ending he seems relieved....
I know I need to give it time and maybe by new year things will become clear but this is in case I need to put things in play now :-/
Anyone lighten me with their experiences?
_____________________________________________________ Me 32 H 32 D 6 S 4 S 11mth
Never allow kindness be misinterpreted for weakness. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
