DIG DEEP DIG ON

[Ambivalent]

Wow, a gal goes on an interview and meets with daughter and look at you all! THANK YOU !

I will try and address as much as I can. I may not be succinct but I will try.

I'm going to wait on any response to H. until after the meeting with Attorney. She isn't a free consult. I will try and write a check and deposit it into my checking acct. That way, when I give the attorney a payment, it will be from my acct.

My daughter wants to stay where she is. She said she'll take another job and help me out. I told her to stay honest with me , speak up, and I'm treating her like the beautiful adult she is. I'm so proud of her, she is such support and loves with all her heart.

She is returning Christmas gifts, and preparing herself for any outcome this will bring. I have not bad mouthed my husband , but she knows that he is in FULL BLOWN. That he is not dependable, and could change his mind at ANY moment.

She sees the behavior, where it's going and I have suggested she read up on MLC. I told her I believe in my vows, and still love him but I have to go into protection mode. I am sharing what I can and will value her input and logic.



I will heed as much advice as possible on everything said. Going to as many good atty's may not work, for I don't have the money to cover their consult fee's. But I hear ya.

I'm estranged from my parent's but I will reach out to my Father first. It won't hurt as much if he says no. I'm more detached.

My mother and I have not had a relationship to speak of for over 19 years. She always reaches out, and I usually decline. To go to her for anything is torture.

Think un-medicated OCD, retaliates, and hounds you to the end of the earth for anything borrowed.

The only thing I did was to leave a message to ask her for an attorney. IF she returns the call, I will ask how she raised the money to have an atty. when she went through this. If she offers money, it will be her call.

I have a snow blower that is just sitting under a tarp. It is basically brand new, and used only about 3 or four times. I don't know if I can sell it yet. Marital property, BUT he did leave it behind when he left me behind!

Technically he has deserted. In my state, that is not good. I don't know if they give him credit for continuing to make the payments that he did, but default is a big deal.

Guys this is not looking good. I completely expect him to go off the tracks once the attorney is involved. I may not have enough time to shop around, with the mortgage sit. looming.

He is in full blown panic too. IRS back taxes, college tuition and room and board. My last payment at school. I cannot graduate until that is completed.

I mailed two boxes out to his siblings. I cannot afford to mail the last one out. It is going to CA and would cost a fortune. I will mail the box for the kids. It is smaller. I may put a card in it to his sister, letting her know I had packaged up the gift and could not afford to do it now. I'll prob. just say we are struggling since his last job lost and to please forgive us.

I'm not going to be the bad guy , he can do that.

We do not have any joint credit cards. I have documented through journaling and have the stuff I found. I have found some paperwork, and will copy them. Not going to have an atty. charge for what I can do. I have the finances he had printed up for me to look over back in May. It details what he thinks the expenses are. I have some tax docs, and I believe his first pay stub from this job. I have some documents that have come here from his new job.

This could get ugly VERY fast, and I'm in a bad situation. I should have listened to my gut back in July. I had wanted to take in kids and boarders then. He poo poo'd the kids.

If I had done what I thought I should have, I would at least have an income.

Water under now.

I can't get any renter/boarders until I know the mortgage is back up and going.

Why do I still love this man?

How does ANY person trust after this ?

I can not see him forgiving himself of this down the road.

For now , even though he is flowery ,he has NO clue what this is doing . He has no idea how this affects a woman, their children, or the chaos and havoc he has sewn.

He is still feeling guilty, hence the 21st c. Dear Jane letter. I cried a lot last night, had bursts today, and will try to get as much as I can out before the meeting tomorrow.

Unfortunately it is right before school. Not the best timing but it was what I could get.

If I missed anything, please forgive me. I'm dancing as fast as I can.

I'm all ears, am listening and encourage you to please pray. Your posts me a tremendous amount to this old gal. I am tearing up as I write this, for you guys are going to make the difference in whether I crash or rise.

I'm trying to hang in there and appreciate everything you have said to me. I wish we were in a live support group so we could touch each other through hugs. I am a bit isolated by choice, due to the stand I'm taking.

My friends don't understand, and I'm so exhausted I can't explain .

I can only imagine how Christ felt upon the cross when he felt forsaken by his Father.

Now I'm going to force myself to eat something .

Oh have any of you vets seen defaulting or attempts to default? Just wondering.

And Chasing, Reaching THANK YOU , I need to hear this.

Reaching, what were YOUR responses to the list you shared?

Everybody else, please don't be slighted I am reading and re-reading. Job , Mach, I appreciate your wisdom and your time.

You don't have to do this, it is truly a anonymous volunteer job, a gift you keep giving. This is the best Christmas present and it's lasting longer than Chanukah! I used to be envious of my best friend J. Jerome around this time , for the eight days.

How simple life was once. How very different things are today.