H just called, I didn’t pick up. He didn’t leave a message. H sent a text right away “Can you please call me when you get a chance today”.
When I saw his phone number on my phone I started to shake. What is it with me? I was counting on him to still be traveling until the end of the week. His call means he might show up today or tomorrow.
I’m pretty much prepared for the unpleasant news and to deal with whatever he brings on me, but I just cannot shake off the anxiety. I didn’t sleep well last night. The thoughts kept popping into my head. I know he was passing through his home town, and I was pretty sure that he was going to party there for a few days with his old friends from HS. This brought up some bad memories. I felt jealous again, because he did this party thing before when we had some rough times in our marriage. Then he was receiving the texts from one of his former classmates. The texts came late at night and on the Valentine’s day when we were trying to mend our relationship. I still remember this squeezing feeling in my stomach. Then I remembered his words about him starting a new phase of his life “after me”, and thought immediately that he didn’t change anything with his friends, it is just me who he didn’t want anymore. Everybody else is still in the old phase of his life. It is just me who was rejected and pushed aside.
This morning I woke up with the goal to get myself back on track with a positive attitude. I decided that I don’t care about his friends and his behavior. He can have whatever life he wants. Apparently he still wants to party, and I don’t want any of that anymore.
I don’t know why I am so hesitant to call him back. Wish me luck.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, You are "assuming" the worse. It may not even be something bad. It could be that he wants to just talk to you and see what you are doing for the holidays. Mind reading will create so much anxiety...call him back later today and see what's on his mind. Once you've done that, you can rest a bit better.
Stay positive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks, job. I just found out that he bought a Mexican insurance for his camper for a year. Now I know why he is driving the camper. He is taking it to Mexico. Still cannot understand why. I think I’m right and he will be taking a lot of stuff from the house over there. I am also starting to think that he is bringing an OW with him. How is he going to drive two cars down to the vacation home?
I’m sure the phone call is about when it would be a good time to come over to the house. I’m not ready! I wish he would stay where he is and never come here.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I would return the call and see what he has to say. Don't offer up anything unless he asks. If he asks, you will then know what you need to do in the way of packing his stuff up.
As for two vehicles being driven to Mexico...couldn't he use a tow bar and hook it to the back of the camper and tow the second vehicle?
You won't know what he wants until you call him back. Mind reading is going to drive you nuts...call him this evening or tomorrow so that you can get your anxiety and mind reading under control.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Called H. Here is what he told me. He asked if I figured out the company finances. I told him that I was not able to reach the accountant yet. He said that he needs to get paid, so he could transfer money to me for the condo mortgage (so, thoughtful of him…) He told me that he was in his home town and is driving to Mexico from there. (Big relief for me.) He will come to our city to pick up his car at the end of the month when he will come for the college playoffs (a yearly tradition with his brother and me in the past, though I’m not included anymore.) I asked him what he was driving and he told me that he is driving his camper. I asked if he is going to leave it there. He said yes, so he could use it there a little and drive it back to his work state next April or May. He said that this way he will avoid flying. I guess his fear flying and unhappiness with the airport procedures are only getting worse, or maybe there is another reason which I don’t know about yet, because in my mind the reason of not wanting to fly still doesn’t justify driving the whole camper here, and paying for an insurance. Like I said before, he could have driven a rental car, which would be a lot cheaper. So, there something more than that in this decision, unless it is some kind of mlc bad reasoning.
He asked me if there anything he needs to take to the vacation home, like supplies and stuff, and I told him that everything should be good there. He also asked me to send him some addresses from the address book, so he could send the Christmas cards, he said that he already sent the cards to his siblings and some friends. This is interesting that he has not asked for that address book yet, and always wants me to look up the addresses there.
Another thing was that he asked was about what my son wanted for the New Years (we never celebrated Christmas, but celebrated the New Years), and asked if he and his GF were still together and where they lived. I told him that they are staying with me most of the time for now. Last year he left a card and a gift certificate for my son and his GF. This year he wants to know if my son has a list of what he wants.
I think I sounded a bit down during the conversation. I tried really hard to smile and be cheerful, but could not pull it through. I’m relieved though that he is not coming here just yet. I hope I will be able to pull myself together by the time he comes here at the end of the month.
So, the conclusion I made from this conversation is that I’m still in a limbo land. That he is nowhere closer to making one decision or another. Apparently this situation fits him very well. I might be wrong and he has plans to file after the New Years.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, Mlcers don't think too well and if he has a fear of flying, I can understand the movement of the camper... at least from his mlc perspective.
It's interesting that he wants to send out cards, but that's okay. I also find it interesting about your son and his gf. I'm glad that he wants to get them something and maybe he'll mail it to your address or hold it until he comes by at the end of the month.
I don't think he still knows what he wants to do and you know what? I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. I'd enjoy the holidays and, if and when it comes up, that's when I would be concerned. For now...put your "assumptions" on the back burner and just enjoy the time w/your family and friends.
Bright, no one has said that you need to be cheerful and happy all of the time. It's okay to be yourself and you know what, sometimes it's good for them to hear how we truly feel. So, don't feel bad about it...we are all human w/feelings. I have a lot of faith in you and you'll be just fine when he comes at the end of the month. He's just a man who is very lost. Try to think of him as a long lost neighbor who has returned from Mars.
BTW, how is your father doing? Did your mother get home safely?
You are going to be fine...put the crystal ball away for a while. It's not working anyway because the batteries are dead.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, thank you so much for coming to my rescue again. You are so right about the crystal ball that is missing the batteries. I just thought that since he was coming this way, I would get some kind of movement or resolution, or anything. And now I have even more unanswered questions.
He does send card every year. Even though we didn’t celebrate Christmas, he always made sure that he sent the cards to friends and relatives. He always picked the funny cards, more like sarcastic once. Everybody always loved his cards and told him that they were waiting forward for his Christmas card every year, because they were always unique. So, this is nothing new.
Thanks so much for having faith in me. Now, when I know when he is coming, I will make sure I get myself in the right state of mind, and I will definitely enjoy the holidays with my family and friends.
Thanks for asking about my parents. My Mom left on Sunday and made it home without any problems. It was loooong trip, but she sounded happy when my sister called my parents to make sure that everything was OK. My Dad was happy too, that she came back home. After she left, I had a huge weight lifted of my shoulders. She was trying to get under my skin while she was here and we almost had a shouting match again a couple of times. Thanks to my sister who took care of everything with my Mom. My Dad is doing better, but he still cannot sit for a long time.
I have something else to report that happened today, I just need to gather my thought first.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I have a couple of questions I need some feedback on. First, do I reply to this e-mail reminding me about the vacation in Spain and Portugal?
And the second will come after this. I think I did something stupid today. While I was waiting for the response to my posts on the board, I sent an e-mail to our mutual friends in vacation home (to a female friend) with one sentence “Why do I have a feeling that you guys are not telling me something?” This was inspired by the last phone conversation with my GF that I already described in one of my previous posts. I knew that there was a phone call from them to my H, but she behaved like she didn’t know anything about him driving down there. I found it very strange because they are best friends of H, he was driving there, they talked on the phone, so I found it to be hard to believe that he didn’t tell them he was going there. And now with the knowledge that he is driving his camper over there, it looked even more suspicious. I know I should not have e-mailed, but I could not resist.
Well, an hour later I get a phone call from them, and they are both on the line. The male friends asked me what I meant and what kind of info I thought they were not telling me. I tried to dismiss it as a joke and just mentioned that H was driving his camper, and that I was surprised that they didn’t know about it. They tried to assure me that there is nothing that they were hiding. It was a pretty weird conversation. The interesting part was that they were insisting that I come over there before or during the Christmas. I said that this is probably not going to happen, because H is going to be there. They told me that he is expected by the end for the week, but I still should come over and can stay with them. They were very persistent trying to persuade me to come over. I kept saying that it is not going to happen. They told me that will call me again tonight.
So, my second question is, should I send an e-mail to them trying to downplay what I sent to them today? I just don’t want them to make any assumptions about my state of mind.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, I wouldn't respond back about the vacation in Spain and Portugal unless you are asked something directly and the question requires an answer.
As for your email to your friends, I wouldn't send another email downplaying what you sent earlier to day. I'd let it go for a while and see what happens. You already told them it was a joke. Your friends were entirely too eager to call you back and try to get you to come down there during the holidays. They know you won't go there if your h is there, but from what you posted, they are stumbling over themselves to convince you to come down. If they should call you back, listen, but don't give them any information...sounds like someone is trying to do damage control of some sort. Of course, I could be reading your posting entirely wrong...but time will tell.
If you sense something is off w/their behavior, then it most likely is. What is it? Time will tell. Sit quietly and the answers will reveal themselves.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
