The end of Limboland

[mj0221]

I know it seems like I'm ready to move on and get divorced when actually I would love for H to just make a first step acknowledging he has issues. Until then I know he will never come home so I know I can't fight it. I can only pray for him daily.

H has had issues with porn and infidelity before and where he works it's a cesspool of cheating. He used to talk about a lot of those people. However I think he just fell in with them in the past couple years. I noticed the last year we were together he never answered his phone or his text from me and always had it with him at all times at home. It didn't click until after he was gone though because his job was obviously such a great cover. He could get called out at all hours of the day or night. Sickening.

I really don't understand how I can still love this man. I think because I saw after he left my own self in the mirror. I have spent 10 months working on myself and through that I did see that I failed to show him the love I really should have just as he did me. It's shown me how much I really do love him because the year before he left I was questioning it.....must have been at the time when we were off in two different worlds yet still living together.

I wish i could talk some sense into H but I laugh just thinking that is possible. H is all about H right now.