That's a tough one. I definitely wouldn't want to reassure her that everything will be okay because that's not your job now. I think you told her before that as long as she's with OM, you will not be in a relationship with her. I would tell her that your position remains the same, so you're taking steps to ensure you can continue to afford the house for you and your daughter by offering a roommate situation to your brother. Then I wouldn't say anything else. I wouldn't worry about pushing her toward OM, it is to your advantage if she sees you dropping the rope and letting the cards fall where they may.
She is scared because she feels she's losing control of the situation, and that is to your advantage.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
One other thing -- just because she wants to talk about what you said doesn't mean you have to indulge her and respond to her request.
Often the WAS will decide what they will and will not talk about and too bad for the LBS if they don't like it.
You don't owe her an explanation. If you want to discuss it with her, you can decide to do so, but you can also tell her you don't think there is anything to discuss and you have plans tonight and won't be around. That might be the best response.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
One other thing -- just because she wants to talk about what you said doesn't mean you have to indulge her and respond to her request.
Often the WAS will decide what they will and will not talk about and too bad for the LBS if they don't like it.
You don't owe her an explanation. If you want to discuss it with her, you can decide to do so, but you can also tell her you don't think there is anything to discuss and you have plans tonight and won't be around. That might be the best response.
Acc
Wholeheartedly AGREE with Acc here. 1,000,000,000% Agree actually if there was ever such a thing. You discuss, only if you want with OM in picture.
I appreciate the responses everyone, I will think about it for a while before I decide what I want to do.
On another note. I know this is probably just Emotions today. But i'm really starting to just get pissed off.
Today I feel like just telling her off. Get out, Its not my job to coddle and take care of you. You have made your choice, let your new love interest ride your rollercoaster.
Followed by a good double middle finger and tell her to go live with her [censored] decisions.
Maybe follow that up with a Roar. Is it possible for a person to roar?
I'm making a promise to myself to work out tonight, this is too much.
Ir's OK to be pissed off, cc. I am sure all of us get pissed off. I think it's fine to just ride it out, but if you want to, you could try to look deeper and figure out what you are really pissed off about. Anger is more of a surface emotion - it is usually there to mask something deeper. For me, it's usually hurt. Could be fear, lack of control, etc. It's not a bad idea to work it out, because it's not a very useful emotion in this situation. Sometimes a good hard exercise session is the best way. I have always hated running, but I have found that I feel so much better, and my head so much clearer, after pounding my feet on pavement for a while.
You've done a great job of riding out your emotions without acting on them.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
