She is clearly depressed and withdrawn. She also repressed her feelings and kept score of all the slights I may have made against her. After BD, she would make frequent comments about how I should have known. I wish she had just spoken up at the moment. For some reason she blames me for her not saying anything. I know it doesn't change what I must do, but it does put things in context.
Stay strong.
Thanks Dragon. My H is very much this way. Seems to think I should just know when I have been insensitive, hurt his feelings or made him feel rejected. It does put it into context that we may have to be more aware of their feelings and how they take things in. It's a hard one to figure out.
On another note, I found this info from uR over on truegritter's thread and I just loved it. I don't think I've ever heard failure in such a good light or explained this way. I read it to my S last night and he was very interested in it. He really like the pro-sports quotes at the bottom.
Found this on failure and fear of failure and it helped me.
Failure teaches you about will-power, persistence, self-discipline, and the value of hard work. One of the signs of living in fear of failure is distraction. When you allow distraction to overtake your life, you're comforted that your distractions can hide your potential to fail.
Ultimately, failure teaches you the value of persistence and hard work.
Embrace the fear and you release you. Failure can only keep you down if you continue to fear it.
Stay in the present. Fear of failure is a future projection of worry and a reliance on what happened in the past. If you're stuck in this kind of thinking, you're living life according to what might happen. Instead "just do it, now, in the moment... bring yourself back in the moment and focus on what you're doing right at this moment.
Past failures are foundational lessons for better understandings in the present and an improved sense of living now; the future is created through your commitment to the present rather than your present being lead by your fear of tomorrow's possible losses.
Fear can cause you to let others make decisions for you in life; while that may be a recipe for not taking responsibility when things go wrong, it can also mean you lose your sense of creativity, innovation, and even your sense of self. Help show people it's not only fine to fail but healthy to break this fear.
These two quotes are favorites of mine.
“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” ---Michael Jordan
"You miss 100% of the shots you dont take." --Wayne Gretsky
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
