Great comments F, especially the observation that many of us look at other sitches and wish we had THAT rather than THIS because maybe our chances of R would be better. MWD says in DR that we should assume it will take 1 month for every year of marriage to resolve things. I'm not sure what her basis for that was or how valid it is, but in my case that would be 20 months for 20 years of M and I'm still not quite there although it seems like FOREVER.
Frankly I don't think DB'ing is that hard because I'm changing things about myself that needed changing anyway. The hard part is STANDING. Like you said, they may come back later... or never. I am not a young man and if I knew my W would never come back then I would push the D through myself and find someone else to share the rest of my life with. But as I've said in my thread, my biggest fear is that if I did that, then W would one day try to reconcile and then I'd have to face the most heart-breaking decision of my life. If I had a crystal ball and knew she would want to reconcile in... I don't know, say 5 years, even as long as that is I think I would wait. But if I knew for sure she would never want to reconcile then I'd end it myself ASAP to open the door to a new relationship with someone else. Not knowing, that's the most difficult thing for me in all of this.
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Sits with amicable WAS wish for not so amicable WAS (you wrote about this few days ago, AS – your post was a little in line with this.)
If it's the comment I'm thinking of, I think I said that I've read few if any reconciliation stories that involved low-energy WAS's (and my W is low energy to the extreme). I certainly did not say I wished my W was high energy, because I'm a type A personality and when I read the sitches here of what some people put up with in their high energy WAS, I would not be able to tolerate it AT ALL!!! LOL! So I don't wish my W was something else, I just wish I could look into the future and know whether she'll want to R or not so I could proceed accordingly (which is also probably a type A thing).
