Ambivalent, I'm so very sorry you received this MLC scripted email, but I'm not surprised. It's very common for them to send emails versus talking to you because it is easier and they don't have tohear your voice or see the pain on our faces because they don't want to hear us beg, plead or cry. Why? The guilt is too much for them and they would rather have that "space" in between us so that the guilt isn't quite so bad. I'm not making excuses for him, but the holidays tend to have many of them drop this type of bomb on their spouses.
He's given a lot of thought to the situation and it appears he has met w/someone to discuss the mortgage. He's been quite the busy man the last few weeks. This explains his distancing and lack of communication since Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving gave him a lot to the think about apparently he felt a lot of guilt playing a role that he was no longer comfortable in playing, i.e., husband, father and sibling. I'm sorry he dropped this news on you at this time. I do know how it feels because this is the exact same time mine did it as well.
I'm w/Bea on acknowledging the email, advising him that you are sorry that he's come to this decision and yes, even acknowledging that this is his choice. But say nothing more at this time.
I do hope that you took my advice several weeks ago and made an appointment w/an attorney. If you didn't, you now need to move forward and seek the advice of one, i.e., don't put this off any longer. Get your financial papers in order because you will need to know where you stand financially. Do not rely on him to be the man you once knew and will take care of you. YOU have to take care of YOU. You can't rely on him being the good guy that will be there for you and make sure you are okay.
Your daughters are going to need to tighten their belts and begin to think about their finances. Your h isn't going to continue paying a lot of their expenses for them. Why? Because he's going to be spending the money on himself and what he thinks he needs to self medicate. I'm sorry to say this, but he's got a long way to go because his replay is just now taking off. Life as they knew it is going to change, but it may not happen right away, but it will happen.
I know that this is a shock to you, especially this time of the year, but you've got to have that cry and then pull yourself together. Pick yourself up, pull up your big girl panties and as Bea has said...make the most of the rest of your life.
No one knows if he'll come of it or not, but for now...let him go mentally, emotionally and physically. It is now time for you to focus completely on YOU and your life. The holiday season won't be easy to get thru, but you will. Do only what you feel is necessary in the way of entertaining and take care of you. Pamper yourself, be kind to yourself and accept the fact that this isn't about you at all, but about him and what he needs to do to find himself. You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him.
Again, I am very sorry to see him do this now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
